jibondorshon

ek mane shunno theke kichuta holeo beshi,
abar ekla mane shunnota.
ek r shunno diye to proyojoniyo shob kothai
ajkal loke likhe fele.
ek r shunno ekshathe shunne mishe jachche
etai ekta nissho jibondorshon.
tui na thakle baal, tui thakle uttal,
etao ekta jibondorshon.

Dhorashayi

balishe entho mukh,
chand-er eki osukh ?
megher rumal
ache mukh dheke.
tor bola niktimoto peyanj
kuchi , kuchoi
amar tor dutoi
plate rekhe.
tor abar mishti hashar shokh,
alto heshe korish chokh chhotto
ami shotti dhorashayi
na pai chena kono image
na pai obak kora pongti
tor chokher kaloy nijer
shadhin desh dekhe aaj shotti
ami mairi dhorashayi
bhebe ajek achi pore
jokhon adla amay eshe
tui tulbi apon kore.
ami emon dhorashayi.

moddhobitto (middle income class)

Borofe porle gole
gaye porle jole
agun.
opomaneo hashi,
shukh porobashi, ebar
ragun.
gadhar pithe chore
chourastar more
bhashon
bhashan diye
bhule bandhobir biye
bhabun.
ai nari bari french cut dari
dami almari
ai telephone ,
packet kora baloon baloon shaptahik guptodhon,
premik mon,
bogus.
ragun ragun ragun.

Jodu babur Baganbari(the mansion of Jodu babu)

Jodu babu,
Jo-take cho korle besh moja peto aager projonmo....
ekhon oishob moja theke bonchito ...
tader lakh lakh callcenter-er kane shuhdu durbritto onushondhankari markin ingrijir shobdokosh theshe bhore diyechilo ke ba kara kono ek projonme.
Jodubabur bagan
jekhane fol ful nidenpokkhe agacha udpadonkari naam na jana ektio gacha pawa day,
ekhon shudhu morubhumir chilchitkar,
Onnotha jodu Babur Baganbari
kintu jomjomat,
ontoto ai sthir shomoye... jokhon shobkichu hoy otit kimba bhobisshot.
brotomaner chhaya ektu holeo ekta abcha chhap rekhe jay ekhane.
prokritopokkhe baritake ekta tritiyobishsho bola chole,
ekhane bhivajon ache, kintu ta mene nebar ba dur korar ongikar nai,
ekhane nari ache, tao bohu dhorshita ebong shomoyanug chinta onujayi oslil rokom shundori ba kutshit,
take bhalobashar keu nai,
ekhane purush ache , nijeder shoto bivajoner niti jabor katar moto ekhono cholche,
take bosh korar keu nai,
ekhane bidroho ache, biplob ache, kintu ta bojhar lok nai,
ekhane notun mane bhobishshot- purono mane bhogoban,
bortomaner chhaya, oi bollam na ekta olpo sholpo boyoshi meye meghe hnete gele jemon hoy,
sherokom chhap rekhe chole geche.
Jodu babur bagan bairta ekti nitantoi tritiyo bissho.

Light of the snow, the sun, my home

I never thought that snow can show me a totally different kind of beauty, something white can have this amount real beauty hidden in it is a completely different realisation now. Normally white for me is disgusting, be it fair and lovely , or westerners or a dull morning with total white snow. I am from India and ?I like to sweat, I like to face the strongest of the sun and I like to become darker in that sunlight. That gives a dimension to my existence. Normally white is always related to negative feelings in my heart. For me white was always lifeless, ugly , as if someone is mourning for some freat misfortune . White is the colro for sraddha for me, a pseudo mourning, or the colro fo the dhongi bramhacharis of narnadra pur ramkrishna mission. Anyway whenver i look at the color white i can only see corruption scandlas propaganda. But then that is my realisation, which is a function of my experiences and my prejudices, and yes let me accept that even white can be beautiful, even white can be honest. Yesterday i found out, that snow has its own light, which has strong luminousity. Even in night, without any light, snow can create and aura around the place, which was amazing for me. But apart from that, i want sun, hot sun, burning my skin, making me sweat. I want to smell my sweat.

Extent of reduction (komte komte etota)

emonta noy je chokh chaini,
tobe ekhon ondho howata bhalo mone kori,
emonta noy je shobdo chaini
kintu ekhon niret nistobhdhotai dher,
emonta noy je kichu apato shorol bakko
konodin sposto kore bolte chaini
kintu ekhon byakorone bnacha dai,
emonta noy je soundorjo chaini
kintu bhul bhebe shomoy jai,
emonta noy je jol, mati agun, niropekkhota
kichui chaini
ekhon shudhu ami r ami,
emonta noy je bhalobasha chaini
otato shobai chay ,
kojon pay ?
ba pabar moto ki korechi ?

Few mathematical thoughts

Sometime I sleep much if I dont't have anything to do, sometime I sleep much if the world waiting for me after getting up is too hostile, sometime i sleep much if I am depressed or hungry, and if none of these are happening then I sleep much just to have great dreams, that too forced one. Being totally disconnected from the reality is
greatest way of procastrination I have ever discovered. Anyway, the rule of the thumb is do your work, eat properly and be happy in your sexual life, that is what is described as the secret of good life in every culture and society (and also nicely translated into bengali by my friend "khato khao chodo"). But then this gives a near to stability in life, which can be dangerous ,if a person like me totally denying the effect of reality, practices this. So I dont do my work whne it is required, as my favourite past time for last 7-8 years is sleeping and it will be. I will be continuously breaking different records of sleeping in future . I need practise since I have to do this thing after my death for eternity. I eat whenevr i am not hungry enough to eat, it is nice soemtime to deny the humna basic instinct as they are called by our western propaganda. Sleeping comes with great many advantages, you can avoid the time of conflict as long as you want, you can srictly avoid the existence majority of the human being in this world, and also by staying awake for lesser time you can avoid all the prejudices you can get by prcatise and work. Work is like making love , if the later is wellunderstood by me at any point of time. But the urge to work should be natural, and it should only evoke the mind and brain of our body, nothing else. Later I found out a thing to work on, but then it was not for me, or i was not for it. Then again i found another thing, and this time I can see the end, everything, surrounded by the greatest fog of this century , there she stands. It was a well admired Project by Mori to start classifying surfaces, and then people thought about classifying higher dimension things. But no chance for them. Here we have a machinery of homotopy theory, this will give me the little bit of light needed. It is clear that the simplest object , i.e the rationally connected varieties will be the first step, my first step.
Reality of dreams is the proof of the existence of god. But I dont care.......

Someone has to pay for all these blood. The question is who ?

It is th start of an angry day. Again , India is the target. The common man of India. Do you have any right to live ? Do you have any right to talk about yourself ? Do you have any right to be happy ? Pakistan is a flase state, it never knew what they want to become. Neither their common men have any idea of what to do, and they are facing complete destruction as if now. What they should have done to save their fat arse is to co-operate with India and have a peaceful economically boundaryless sub continet like the continental europe. But dumb people are hard to be taught, even nature can't teach them any lesson. They will continue to spread unrest in these whole sub-continet. Dont forget about the tiny little country called bangladesh, which is really unimportant otherwise, but then the generous leaders of the CPM (Chor party marxist) doesnt think that the illegal immigrants from bangaldesh borders shoudl be controlled. Life is so cheap , so cheap.

Few things about Binoy

Last night I met a person called Binoy. No it was not a conincidence I guess. Since , for a long time I was expecting someone to come and change the way I think, the way I bluff, the way I love. He came, and yes its he, and changed everything last night. Once in a while people like Binoy comes and changes my position as an observer. He told me to write good thinsg in a bad way, as if there are too mnay good things in this world and we take them as garnetd , so we dont give importance to any of it. He will be with me for some time, as he has told, and leave me exactly whne our conversation will become boring. After the first conversation with Binoy, I came to know one of his favourite bad poems. He hismslef said that whenever someone asks him for introduction he recites this verse. For the sake of lcarity he prefers bengali than any other language, at least he said so. So here it goes the introduction of Binoy :

amar naam binoy,
kolkatay brihsti hole thik jekhane shobchay beshi jol joma hoy
shekhane amar bari,
amar bolle thik hobe na, boroncho ekebare bhul bodh hoy,
ami to image-er karbari,
tai amar bole khub beshi ekta kichu nai,
olpo ai sholpo shai
diye protidiner nikti mepe jibonjapon
emon
kono shorto rakhe ni keu.
naamtao nijer noy,
jemon noy
baba maa-er ekdiner probol sharirik bhalobashay pawa ai shorir.
amake bhalobashle prochur chhobi debo,
alto kore buliye nebo
haat tomar gopon onge.
amake bhalobashle tomaro kono kichu nijer thakbe na.
parbe na
emon bhabe bhalobashte.
naki bhoy hoy ?
amar naam binoy.

My name is Binoy.
The place which gets filled with most fo the water whenever it rains in kolkata,
there is my home.
if i say its mine then it wont be true, maybe it is completely false.
i am a trader of images.
So there are not many things which are mine,
noone forced me to live
by making everyday routine of some of this and some of that.
even my name is not mine.
like the way this body,
which i got because of my parents once upon a time made tremendous physical love,
is not mine.
if you love me i will give you lost of pictures,
i will lightly varess your private parts.
if you love me there will be nothing caleed yours .
you cant love me .
or may be you are scared ?
my name is binoy.

Few things that I know about the first few days in a foreign country and that I want to know

Foreign , sound like an alien place to be. And when you have just moved from your own hometown to someplace which is not your hometown , few things changes, as people say. This changes combined with the perception of mind creates a different biological and psychological sphere around us. Good or bad, it takes little or a long time to get used to this sphere. What are the changes we first notice ? Even the changes we first notice depends on our previous experience and current status of mind, which is also an amalgamation of previous biological and psychological experience. But I have to start somewhere. So suppose , I am going outside my home for the first time, alone, such that the previous definition of "we" that I have had has no representative there, nor there are most of the things similar to the thing called "my place", and I am experienced enough to have the prejudices called beauty, tasty , talented, superior blah blah... More precisely, suppose I have enough prejudices (known as common sense or knowledge or feelings or intellect ) to give every thing a order in my mind and my behaviour is dependent on that ordering.
People look different . And in our time skin color , by the help of western propaganda, is a very strong thing to define beauty. So we notice the skin color first. I strongly remember those days , when i used to notice whether a person is fat or slim first. Then we try to give the people of the foreign land a place in our ordering according to our definition of beauty. Sense of beauty is a strong prejudice and it can really affect anyones behaviour. An accepted physically beautiful person holds a good social and economic position irrespective of his/her other qualities. So the first sense we can feel comes from our eyes. And that somehow defines our behaviour towards the foreigners. This sense of beauty is not only dependent on physical beauty , it has strong coupling with economics, academic aspects of the individual or a population. The mistake that all of us make is to try to conclude about some property of the population using the perception of invidual knowledge. Also the other way around can be really dangerous. In first few days, normally we make our perceptions about the population very clear and strong and then we start making assertions about the individuals. And those assertions not only dominates our behaviour towards everyone , it also makes a path for more psychological perversion and corruption.
The best way to live anywhere in this world is to be free from your mind while observing something, as logically either every place is a foreign place for us or every place is our home (same way either everything is beautiful or nothing is). A bad perception is worse than no perception. Mind has to be free so do we have to b e free from our mind. Whne there is an observation, there are no observer, nothing observed, just an observation.

IIT's , prejudices and propagandas funded by common mans money

First cut :
Place : Kharagpur, Hijli detention camp, 1956.
India dreaming to become big and strong.
Jawaharlal Nehru addressed the first outgoing batch :
"Here in the place of that Hijli Detention Camp stands the fine monument of India, representing India's urges, India's future in the making. This picture seems to me symbolical of the changes that are coming to India."

Second cut :
Place : all the iit's, iim's, aiims, isi, jadavpur university and shibpur university, april 2006
Arjun Singh takes another step towards positive discrimination or what is known as affirmative action. The first step being the reservation of those who faced negative discrimination through out ages. This is supposed to be the part of the basic point of democracy, social justice. After implenting this thing, proper reservation for women would have been the next thing. There were protests all around the institute of national interests. Those who always got the chance, for being rich, upper caste and socially powerful tried to reason out that this rule of giving power to poor lower caste subaltern will divide the country more , and caste system should be thought as thing of past which has no effect whatsoever in current India. They made a popular forum called youth for equality, which arranged hunger strike, follwoed by a mass arerst of students. No student died , and moreover there were no cases of injuries either. Hunger strike was a realy one so that no one stays hungry for a long time.
My cousin : " they dont have brains, it is clear form how they perform in all these places. do i have to give my place to an adivasi now."
Tanmay : " tora janish na maal gulo koto gambat, ens-a boshe shobkichui mone hoy onyorokom. " ( you guys dont know how stupid they are, everything looks different when you are sitting here in ens )"
my aunty : " age to gramer jonyo communist party uthe pore legechilo, tai grame grame maddhomiker first boy , ekhon rickshaw wala, dhangor eder jonyo-o lege porlo." ( because of communist party all the villages were doing well in the boards, now even these lower caste people will do well".
another cousin : " good genes ......"
my friend : " i deserve my place, and i cant leave my place for some obc ."
barkha dutt (the dumb intellectual) : "what's the point of all these reservations if there aren't enough qualified people to make use of them?"
Books of ambedkar being burned by the best students of the best medical institute of india AIIMS.
http://shivamvij.com/2006/10/04/books-are-not-for-burning/
Government didn't back up. And it was shame the way they didn't tackle this problem strongly. when a tribal protest by joining Maoist movement, he is termed as terrorist and executed, and when a rich kid of delhi or bloody metro city protests it becomes breaking news, chetan bhagat ( even dan brown writes better than him) asks everyone to attract the television as much as possible. Still no voice from the subaltern.


Facts :
"Sujee Teppal, an adivasi student who topped the Andhra Pradesh common entrance test (EAMCET) for engineering in her category, was keen on a BTech from IIT. At IIT-M, she was asked to take the Preparatory Course route. At the end of it, she was failed in one subject, Physics. (Her Class-XII Maths-Physics-Chemistry average was 94 per cent; she had a centum in Class XI Physics.) After the issue was taken up by the Periyar Dravidar Kazhagam, and the subsequent coverage in the local press - which got interested, typically, after Sujee attempted suicide - and following a directive from the National Commission for Scheduled Castes and Scheduled Tribes (dated 8 July 2000), the IIT management tried to cover its tracks, conducted another test for Sujee and other dalits-adivasis who were failed along with her, and cleared some of them for BTech. A much-harassed Sujee has now been assured of direct admission into MTech (without having to clear GATE) by the management. First, you are humiliated; then your silence is bought. Several dalit employees have been similarly gagged. Says an employee denied promotions and increments for his outspoken views, 'The management plays one dalit against another, sometimes showering petty favours on one group, manipulating resistance.' "- this is a news taken from the newspaper , the originality of which is not the responsibility of the author. The author was in Chennai during this incidence, and vividly remembers all those news reports. One of the authors friend was in IITM that time, he was in the preparatory course and he was visibly depressed all the time since he had to face the taunts of the general category students and profs. He had a nickname, mandal commission.
Even if the above news is fabricated to any extent, doesn't mean that nothing comparable to that happens in IIT's. The author is really sorry to find out that it has hurt the victim of this incident, and want to assure her that it is anger not the urge for popularuty made the author write this article. The author understands the sentiment related to it and wants to ask the reader to verify the news after reading.

2. IIT, AIIMS , JU, Shibpur, never produced anyone of highest intellect and wisdom. They might have produced CEO's, but in other part of the world CEO's are the best profession for the college drop outs. In terms or research , IIT's like all the other institutes of national importance fails badly. Then why we support them financially. do we think about India whne we do that ? Is Indians are meant to debug programs or becomnig yes sir type corporate after learning in all these iits and iims ? why dont we ask this simple questions to all these engineers and doctors , what is their contribution to this country or to this world , other than mediocricity and cheap labour offered to the west ? If there is no west to take care of their mediocricity what will happen to them ?

3.

Genderwise, the IITs fare even worse. Sandipan Dep, deputy editor with Outlook: 'What was my IIT education all about? It was about IITians: 400 academically exceptional boys (and 12 girls) on a campus...' The girls come in parenthesis. It's all about boys. Despite all those headlines and reports we have seen for years about girls doing better than boys in Class X, Class XII and other state and central board school exams, it is (mostly caste hindu) boys who have enough 'merit' to enter the IITs. And the few girls who make it must prove themselves male enough. 'From one coast to another, women engineering students have shared their relief on being accepted by the men in engineering as one of the guys' (Sally Hacker 1989, 49).

Some letters responding to the Outlook feature raised the issue of nonrepresentation of women. 'I was horrified to see not a woman mentioned in your entire story. Forget the alumni, even the on-campus photos didn't feature any women. Is your outlook so biased?' Another asked, 'Are all IITians men?' (Outlook 12 June, 2000). According to the news report cited earlier with reference to IIT-Mumbai, '(T)he situation for women students remains dismal, with less than 200 among the almost 3,000 students in the bachelor's and master's programmes. For Dalit girls, things are even more bleak. The first Dalit girls, numbering all of three, were admitted in 1997. Since then, their number has increased by one every year' (Indian Express, Mumbai, 12 June 2000).

One of the few dalit girls doing BTech in Mumbai is says, 'If you are in a coveted department like Computer Science and Engineering, the guys wonder aloud how a woman could get through and if they know you are a cata student, there is an audible 'ohh' which seems to answer their question.' ('Cata student' is caste-hindu IIT lingo for those who make it using affirmative action. In IITs, as in other campuses in our country, dalits tend to be allotted only dalit room-mates; dalits also do not figure in IITs' famed alumni associations.)

4 .

In Australia, the settler whites are at least saying 'sorry' to the 'stolen generation'. And an aborigine wins a gold medal in Olympics. In the US, there is a public discourse against racism, though discrimination continues. But 'hindu' India, despite putting in place theoretical guarantees in the constitution, continues to treat its aboriginals most shabbily, and no questions are asked. In the name of 'merit'; in the name of democracy.

Last Cut :

Place : IIT Powai, Chicago , 2008, November

Barkha Dutt cheeirng Obamas victory, moreover she said it is the most important thing happened in the history of our time.

Two indian youth attempts suicide in IIT powai.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Cities/2_Dalits_in_suicide_bid_at_Powai_IIT/articleshow/3682878.cms

Adarsh phashan jahan naaron mein

aur chor bharey darbaron mein

Vahan maut akhlaq ki hai ik khabar baasi

jinhe naaz hai hind par vo kahan hain

jinhe naaz hai vo kahan hain.

blogging just for the sake of it

Jibananda Das once said : " whoever writes poem is not a poet , few of them are ". Then indian government said padhna likhna sikho. Everyday in many indian homes many children gets the hard lesson from their parents : What is the point of studying, readin writing. I, the priviledged here not only know how to write , but have many options of making my voice heard, and too some extent I have managed grow my own voice. Pen is mightier than sword, but whenver sword is taken by someone , someone has to die, there has to be blood. So when you have a sword in your hand you are supposed take sides and fix whom to kill, whose blood you want to take. Isn't it true for pen too. When you have pen, you have to take sides, since there will be speculation.

I had holiday, a strange one. It was like a long feverish state . Fever is the best time for me, since that is the time when i loose control over reality. There are lots of situations when actually i had dreams but couldn't make out whether they are real or not. I guess it is the rush of hot blood flowing always towards brain that gives these strong dreams, and as Dostoevsky clearly proved to me last summer that these dreams of fever are the true colros of what we want we need and our shortcomings.

How many original ideas i have came across in my life, how many original ideas were ever conceived by human beings. Personally , I think there are very few ideas which are not at all trivial. And in the list of my supreme inventor I have
Gautam Buddha
Mahatma Gandhi
J krishnamurti
Riemann
Manmohan Singh
How often these invenetors turned out to be really invidualistic is a natural consequence of the necessity of invention. But one news this week made me think twice about the necessity of individualism . There is a school in Bankura district in westbengal , mostly for the tribal students , which made me wonder whether good connectivity of all sorts of knowledge is more important than a fresh but experienced mind. They wanted to increase the particiaption of students in the school., they wanted to make the student aware of hygene, they wanted to reduce the number of school drop outs . What they did is they started a parliament in the school, with council of ministers , elected by the students, elected from the students. There are bell ministers whose duty is too check whether all the school bells are ringing according to the time, there is a prayer song minister, then dress minister, food minister who checks the mid day meal thing. All the ministers are chosen by the students and also there is pint system based on their overall performance in the school. The highest point goes to honesty. I wont be surprised in next 30 -40 years if we see the end of gandhi dynasty and we find our first tribal prime minister from one of these great Indians.

open letter

I was going through many words few minutes back, just a good past time. Words which are so powerful for me tonight that i get it first whenever i start thinking about words. The phrase which came in my mind is open letter. Open letters are supposed be very open, like the way sky is open . The thing about open or closed is really interesting. Open belonged to those kind of concepts even whose opposite can not be concretely defined. Both are related to each other. Anyway i have written few not so opne letters and one opne letter in my life, and they are so open that it wont come in opne air in their life .
Or may be that album of anjun dutta "priyo bondhu " , where there were so many open letters, between two completely disconnected people living far away from each other. Though i find the album very unsmart now but that was the first gift I bought for someone, and it will remain as the biggest mistake of my life.
I never saw any open letter in my life, but somehow i used to think that open letters are something like articles written in personal diary , but now as i know quite a lot about different things know open letters are sort of last thing we want to say about some topic and then completely stop. It is like the last thing you want to say in our break up day meeting , those harsh may be extra emotional words knowing that probably we will never face each other. i heard about the break up stories from my friends and i think i know more about break up dates than any one in this world. My friends are really good story tellers.

And when every bird finds their home back,
no river returns,
some of them dies on the way , never meeting anyone.
they are no more river
just carrying tears of millenium.

Chandrayan

At last, the long lasting dream of mine will be true. India, after wednesday successful moon venture, will join the greatest feat of modern science. I was thrilled, like any other toddler, about space, as it is the easiest thing to imagine even though you are poor, something like playing football. When you are alone and small you look up and try to make yourself feel more alone and humble and that gives statbility and good night sleep. I used think about space crafts and read all the information related to space technology in our bengali dailies. It was my dream to become the first man to reach sun and then thanking the people in sun for giving such a nice dreamy sunshine during the winter afternoons. But soon it was realised by these dreamy eyes that sun is not reacheble by human beings and mars is infected by the american machinery. So I started dreaming about being in Moon. I made lots of drawing of my space craft that will take me to moon, I heard there no mosquitos in moon, which made it the best place for me. After all these long years atlast ,we, the most potent and yet the most disgusting race called Indians will start our journey to set our foot in moon. Apart from the economic and scientific benefits of this mission, it will have a great impact on the mind of average newspaper readin indians. It will be a real confidence booster for billions. Though our subaltern frineds , the chinese, have already launched their mission, but a democratic country like india it wont be any less important, as we will be the second democratic country to make our presence felt on moon. Scientifically India always had a strong position in this world, specially post colonial science. There were no thoughts ever thought my human beings which never rattled any indian mind . Every thing had place here, so was science in its most original form, that is yukti or logic. Infact post world war India had the largest number of trained scientist after america and russia, though our education system was the poorest. And like everything scinece also found a new and totally indian expression altogether. The state of the art technology used in ISRO is probably nothing comapred to NASA but still it is totally Indian , cheap and works as efficiently as anything created by NASA. India is the place of experiment and the greatest expreiments about human beings and its tendencies. I always believed that variation is the soul of creativity and india offers it in abundance. But then what keeps us backwards, it is simply the lack of confidence. Lack of confidence syndrom is everywhere in this wrold, that is why germans call themselves germans so that they can fight together or bully together, same is true for any man of proud nation or religion or sect or race. But Indian, being exploited by the burgoise of different race for a long time, lacks it totally. I still remain close to my observation that individualism is only practised properly in India and African nations , but then those who practise is always outnumbered by those who are not sure about themselves . Those people always take India backwards. During these Chadrayan phase, there was another news of scrapping the gay sex law. This law was started by the asshole phirangis in india and they did not forget to attach religious sentiments with it, forgetting the fact that even in ancient india gay sex was not forbidden, not even in the time of war when reproduction was more importantly associated with sexuality than pleasure-stability and love. The post colonial India being so pseudo secular and pseudo modern that it never tried to scrap this law , and even supported the western propaganda that gay sex causes aids more than anything. Statictics is the biggest lie in this world, but indian governments never ever tried to even take the help of statistics. But now how can you stop a nation full of strong people with only one thing called freedom in mind. Vikram Seth wrote an open letter to many leading dailies about this law and the effect of it. And now high court has told Indian Government to show scientific facts or scrap this law. Mister health minister , being a very responsible person is always in favour with scrapping this law, and all the human beings hope that this law will be scrapped very soon. Lets pray for those guys and girls who loved someone from the same sex and either ended their life or always struggled againts this faulty system. Lets hope that very soon we will see gay and lesbian lovers like all their freudian counterparts roaming around the city, holding hands kissing each other. Even freudian love doesn't know any discrmination and it is high time that we not only accept this truth but realise it. There is only one sort of crime, and that is theft and all the other crimes are variations of it. We can not steal the right of anyones sexual selection, and even if our dumb god gets angry with it we have to play according to the rule we have set. Discrmination has to be ended, any sort of discrmination.

Salil choudhury

The latest addition to the collection of official songs has a genuine touch of salil choudhury. As a composer I dont have any basic training , nor do I have any idea of musical notes. The only way I understand music by listenig to different kind of music, so all my music has lots of inspiration and sounds like sometime really some known song. Salil Choudhury , S.D Burman , A.R Rahman, Chandrabindoo, Belafonte and recently Indian Ocean and Raghu Dixit are few of my favourite composers. But mostly my music is influenced by salil choudhury and chandrabindoo. Even the lyrics is an amalgamation of modern bengali poetry and contemporary lyrical inventions . This song was composed in Paris. I was as usual jobless and one of my friend during chatting session told me to write a song bullying one of my other friend. i made a song but then after humming the song for sometime i got another tune, and I loved that tune, so I wrote oh my love where are you today . It is totally beatles style of music with constant presence of salil choudhury

amar bhalobasha kothay tumi aaj
jokhon ami jege roi
shaat shokale aaj
paat kora shob sritite porlo bhanj

r pachhe tomar amar prem bnache
jholse jay kono kobita
paar kore shomoy thomoy joto ache
gupto aajke shobi ta
table konay thongay thongay shobdo aaj hochche jobdo
cable theke tv chhoray dirghoshash
table konay thongay thongay shobdo aaj hochche jobdo
shower khule khamkheyalir srabon mash.

oh my love where are you today
when i stay awake in this early morning
and all the memories gets plit ?

For the fear that our love survives and all the poems gets burned
i have crossed all the time and kept it secretly.
in the corner of the table, on the paper packets, words getting jumbled in jumble words .
television sighs through the cable,
in the corner of the table, on the paper packets, words getting jumbled in jumble words .
rainy season starts below the shower whenver I want.

oh my love where are you today ?

Durga the subaltern power

Durga Puja never had any special effect in my life, apart from lots of painful incidents I dont remember anything important happening in my life during this puja. But Durga is very special, not only in my life but in the life of every subaltern living in my part of world. Once upon a time I did lots of pandal hopping. That time durga used to be like hema malini , fair, bulky and more motherly love and affection on the face than feminity. She used to be a total housewife , who has lost the charm of attracting anyone and that is why she is happy with her family and husband does her job without any protest . It used be the kind of male dominated propaganda spread at that time in our subaltern society. But I sharply remember , five or four years back, I saw a durga which was totally different from any of the durgas of our time . I found her extremely attractive, and told my friend that it was the sexiest sculpture I have ever seen. And this time I saw one in Suruchi Sangha. For guys like me, confused and totally dominated by the west , she is the perfect dream partner. She was petite but curvy, wearing a working women black saree in the most sensual way, she was dark and sindur was there on her forehead, her face had multiple layer of expressions, as if she can tell us the stories of all dark and bright temptations of human beings. When I saw her I was not spellbound, as I have seen lots of its kind in my life and somehow I secretly appreciated their beauty.

Durga, indeed, is the strongest sub altern power. First of all worshipping a total feminist power is really non western and non aryan . Secondly , there aren't any better potrayal of the largest subaltern of this world other than durga , powerful, with family, and also few pets .

Let me list out few of the women who ?I found closer too durga. I will not take this oppurtunity to name anyone whom I know personally, as again beauty should be appreciated silently. First of all the woman whose physical features matches with my conception of durga are

sobha de
naomi campbell
madhuri dixit
deepika padukone
bipasha basu
to some extent sania mirza ( she and mallika is more like saraswati than durga for me)

And as far as power is concerned, i think gayatri chakravorty spivak is the best example for me.

Every thing has an end, this simple truth sometime hurt us when we have to bid afrewell to our loved adimired things and persons. Ganguly wont't be playing anymore after this test series, and like any other Indian male with self respect feeling of justice, it hurts to see the way he has to leave. For me he is the ultimate fighter. I dont remember the time whne I first heard his name, it might be after class 5 or something . Some one said he is the best thing in offisde, someone said he is the most arrogant indian cricketer ever, someone said he is the smartest indian cricketer ever. I didnt have any opinion about him at the starting. But as he became god in our part of the world I started hating him. Tendulkar was my all time favourite batsman , but at that time ganguly was giving sachin stiff competition as the best ODI batsman. Sachin was hosrt so am I, so I have somesort of weak point for sachin and that made me very critical about ganguly. Another thing , which was very strongly present was the fact that everyone was praising ganguly at that time, and i strictly cant do things which everyone does , and in a democratic system it is better to form lots of minoritygroups, then and only then proper justice can take place. Anyway whatever be the reason I was very critical about him, but one thing was totally obvious that he was the man of supreme confidence and self respect but above all he is the greatest fighter india ever had in any field. I strongly felt the difference he made to indian mentality after i went to India. Indian males were thought to be really submissive type, who will never fight and can not protect his own belongings, lacks physical smartness and all in all a defeated class. This was the colonialist propaganda to alter the sexual selection of Indian females, so that they will give preference to white westerners ( like the husband shopping concept of latin american females), but unlike latin america this propaganda failed and so showing the weak non combative picture of Indian males became very prominent in western world. Normally in this kind situation other nations racted differently, like China . They started developing their sporting facilities, sport gives a moral booster to a whole nation, and specially its counter propaganda quality. India had hockey once upon a time but it died since the westerners wanted to end the indian dominance and they re invented hockey and it rules and our indian friends never believed in competing. So for a long time india had only one sports, the insect . Though India won world cup , but if i try to imagine the faces and the attitude of the cricketers of that time , I can only match them with the kind of attitude my father has. It is like give me what my share is and i dont want anything, you decide what will be my share , and even if you abuse me after giving my share i will forgive you ro i will show you by my work how good i am. It continued till the era of early sachin and late azhar timer. But then ganguly became the captain, and india team changed. For ganguly he is not satisfied with his share, he wants everything, for him winning is not the last thing , it is destroying the opponent, specially the strongest opponents. No one ever believed that steve waugh can wait for toss because the opponent skipper was in the dressing room, he is the first cricketer to start using local language slang against the whites, he also made sure that the word phirangi is used as a slang. It was high time to show the whites their original picture, and he did that. Whenevr I am down and out I always remember his innings in adelaide , or the great test match against australia in eden gardens. The pale and pigmentally challeneged face of all aussies and the jubilient Indian blue caps. For ganguly there is only one thing I can say Joy guru Enjoy guru, for very few contemporary bongs like you still i remember my bong connection.

dumbstruck

It is so crowded , but what a contrast, i dont have any new thing to think about. It is scary to go outside, may be there will be bomb somewhere, or atleast some bus will run over some worthless life like me, there is a fear of just disappearing in the crowd, also there is a fear of getting recognised by everyone . Once upon time one person was a preacher of a balanced life, where everything will be there in a balanced way. there wont be any attachment to anything , freedom should be there for everyone , even freedom of hurting should be there. but i guess i am getting older really quickly, or maybe my age becomes older rapidly but i dont.

I saw one performance today. it was just a mime, but what a great performance ! simple script but great excution. Rudranil and kanchan are the best actors i have ever seen live. While kanchan is more like a natural comedian, rudranil is partly satirists . Rudranil reminds me of too many kafka charecters. Once upon a time, when I first read kafka, that too a really bad bengali translation, i thought how does a writer knows so much about all the small things about my life . Today i am convinced that being me is not a unique act, there many actors in the same role.


The program is cancelled. I dont want to go outside and i am sick of all those people who treats me like a whore. Tomorrow i will write a song, probably the best song of my life. Kafka made me this , or may be he was in the same role.

ai raat

this was written and composed when i was in first year of my undergraduation. The interlude part has clear inspiration from pehla nesha and the lyrics is combination of early 90's bengali lyrics and the contemporary bengali lyrics. i really want to thank anumita , as she was the inspiration behind this song. wherever she is , whatever grudge i had, wahtever i have done , but i cant ignore the fact that this song was composed for her. I have changed a lot of lyrics of the original one, as it is old and dead. Laal has done a great vocal job in this song, and thanks to mafia for giving me the urge to remake the song again. I didnt get the chance to dedicate this song to anyone , perhaps this song marked the end of a relationship. but today i dedicate this song to all my friends and mafia for making this song alive again.

ai raat jodi na shesh hoy kono dine hothat kore
hnatbo shudhu tor shathe ai him raat ontore,
jani ashbe na kono shopno ojana pothik hote
r jyosnar ki proyojon megheder danay shute.

obhilashi bikel jane dupur rod keno eka ,
diary-er priyo patay shara shondhe joma rakha,
jani ashbe na kono ghum hariyechi dher aage
r ghumer ki proyojon shur katano bishad raager

ai raat jodi ba shesh hoy kono dine hothat kore,
nirmed alo andhare rakha thakbe otit ghore
jani ashbe na kono shopno ojana pothik hote
r jyosnar ki proyojon megheder danay shute

moner dupur deyale hothat chipchipe duti chaya
chena chena baki alor dol shudhu ochena e andhar maya
jani ashbe na kono ghum .....


if this night doesn't end in a day suddenly
and i will be walking with you and this cold night inside me
i know that no dream will come to be an unknown stroller
and what is the need of moonlight to sleep on the wings of the clouds.
this night ............

ambitious evening knows why the afternoon sunlight is alone,
and the whole twilight is saved in the favourite page of the diary,
i know that i wont get any sleep as i have lost them long ego,
and why will sleep destroy the music of melancholy.

if this night does end in a day suddenly,
even then it will be saved in an old room with fatless light and shadow,
i know that no dream will come to be an unknown stroller
and what is the need of moonlight to sleep on the wings of the clouds.

suddenly there are two slim shadows on the wall of the afternoon mind,
all the lights are known but what are these games of darkness,
know that i wont get any sleep as i have lost them long ego,
and why will sleep destroy the music of melancholy.

o mon

hothat shonali shondhe hole
thik kar jeno golpo bole , mon,
dekhte chay, hishab khatay,
je din ghumolo, tar nesha
ghum eshe jak ghumer gaane
ghumer ghore din takao

r hothat mone bhir kore ashto jara
aaj keno onuposthit tara ?
o mon ki chao , aaj bole dao,
tomar ami na onyo keu ?
tomar shathe ai doirothe
amay keno aaj harao.


suddenly when the golden evening drops
mind tells stories of someone,
mind want to see in the draft of life,
the dizzyness of the lost day.
and sleep should come with the lullaby ,
and day you should look up with your sleepiness.


and suddenly those people who used come in my mind
why they are absent today ?
oh mind , tell me , what do you want ?
am i yours or someone else ?
in this dueal match you are playing with yourself,
why i loose ?

pujo shonkha private limited

oh my god. it started again. agony of not having something, jealousy for others havong something, the nameless emotion due to no work, reckless thoughts due to loneliness, everything just vanished. Just teh moment when i was thinking that its better to drink every night before going to bed just to get good sleep i found my timepass. today it started again. my music . me joydeb and laal with great support from nyata , we have the newest lifebuoy. one trying to get rid off post addiction effect, another one just trying to spend some time after a week long of screwing in software company, and yours truely, trying to not think about those things which i cant control, these three overly optimistic but still dreadfully fallen humanbeings started pujo shonkha private limited. this is our band, this is my way of saying fuck off to all things which are unwanted. we started with a song, without lyrics. i was playing d major and g minor, without any intention of playing something fruitful, just warming up, then laal asked me what the hell it is. i said i dont know , and that moment, we found the new tune. as usual whoever heard it said that it sounds like some other song. god damne it, isn't it good enough that it sounded like a song. i officially dedicate this song to the greatest entertainer of life. even if i kill myself oneday, i will be really proud that i enjoyed few days in my life. no more grudge.

My first take on caste system aryan invasion and phirangis

Only weak aligns himself with society caste culture country. It is so very true and it took so many god damne years to show me the real truth. I have been through all sorts of extremism. Once upon a time I was strict brahmin , once upon a time a strong male superiority theory propagator, once upon a time fairness seeker, once upon a time a strong nationalist and then a strong pseudo secularist which ended in strong communism. Yes I have shit all around me , gods devils and human beings constantly tried to take me in their camp. I went , I shouted, I spat hatred, but atlast got a kick. Kick is what I know , kick is what i will get everytime. But still I cant change myself, hatred is there inside, and it is infact not true that love is the basic emotion and hatred is practised. I cant get rid off hatred , jealousy , even my love is somehow attached to hatred for some other things . I need another kick, a strong one. But then I am just moving around in the sphere of hatred, no new states, no new way of finding peace. All those millions sitting inside me trying to make new camps, new party, new agenda, i dont even know who wins, i am just a spectator.

It is sad and disgusting to find that even the best of the intellectuals of indian origin never ever said anything against caste system in india, even gandhi has this idea that caste system is somehow necessary for india. Last few years I have gone through all these intellectuals and their works, be it astonishingly clever Gayatri Spivak, or wisest Amartya Sen, there are no positive and anti caste system remarks from any one of them. In fact few indian intellectuals and offcourse phirangis went on to support this system. One of the Indian origin intellectual is Mr Naipaul. Well he has a strong reputation of being racist from the first day. Like most of the North Indians he can not tolerate the dark skin color , and that is one of the reason he forgets and sometime humiliates his west indian history. He is proud to consider himself as a bhumihar and finds the Indian Caste system so god damne friendly and essential for indian society, fro him india is hindu rashtra, and all the bullshit related aryan invasion theory is true.
Well I never accepted Aryan invasion theory , since whatever evidence is there are anthropological evidence, and sorry anthropology is for intellectually challenged people, it was hitlers favourite science and most of the europe still believes that it is a science. Anyway now i can see how aryan invasion theory is so god damne true. People say lot of thing about aryan superiority theory and sites the example of post world war germany. Well post world war germany is not created by germans, infact german were treated as slaves in that time, all the money and infrastructure came from usa or ussr, and as usual the frenchies sucked the blood out of germans. Infact if any country has done anything in post wrodl war situation without the help of phirangis is china. Japan is still a slave of USA. And there are no aryan connection of chinese history. Secondly if aryan people also came to india and they are the people who left their children in northern part of subcontinent, then it is really clear that they are the most genetically inferior race of this world. Look at the failed state of pakistan, failed state of kashmir , up, bihar . Look at the violence in delhi, gujrat, haryana. These are all aryan infected area. Yes aryan blood means violence, it means discrimination, starting from caste system, to degradation of women in india and degradation of other countrie sin india to the gas chamber in germany every god damne violence has aryan connection. The superiority theory and this violent nature goes hand in hand. As they knew that they are actually genetically inferior , that is the reason they started staying together, making community and also their propagandas have their roots in this inferiority complex. They degraded women , since they were not able to match their women, they degraded the indigenous people, because they saw that they can not make something like indus valley civilisation . African and indigenous people are brave. They can stay alone, without any propaganda , without any self flattering false history ( the kind of history these phirangis and north indians boast off). Be alone, be strong, to fight the strongest enemy you dont need to make groups and camps. fighting is, by definition, a lonely process. Face the challenges alone, know the world alone, live alone , die alone, no need of country culture or anyother systems .and hatred is important. Loving Naipaul or phirangis or brahmins is strioctly not justifiable.

week of entertainment and hope

My mini travel week is over. I haven't seen anything though , as usual i spent my time in my respective rooms in chennai and bhubaneswar, but it was a really entertaining week . First of all being at CMI , new campus , with few of my old friends of CMI was boundlessly entertaining and then it was bhubaneswar where again the mafia entertains in her usual unpredictable way. Bhai in CMI gave us the unusual treat of his eloquence power (sadly it was after grass ). Madhukar took his photograph and he exclaimed " dont i look like katrina kaif ?". Then there were cats, few girls ( first time in CMI). Surprisingly they have discovered that CMI guys are either frustru case or total nerds. Good for them but bad for the guys there. I can really start writing lots of pathetic stories about what is going to happen in cmi in next one year. Anyway , I bought the new Rabbi Shergill album Avengi Ja Nahin in Chennai, and after my first tryst with it I fell in love with three songs of it " Karachi Valie", "tu avin bandra", "bilqis". The opening song chhalla, has this melancholic punjabi folk touch , as if anyone can identify with the song, as if the song is about them, some really soft corner is getting exposed but yet there is a cover. Rabbi comes with another great piece of lyrical work, he is the best poet of recent times for me. Nothing, even my joblessness, moves me more than Rabbi . The second song is Karachi valie, punk elements with distinct rabbi style punjabi high pitch voice, this song is supposed to be the main attraction of the album. Lyrics is simple but femininely romantic. This is where Rabbi stands out from all the lyricists of modern times of India, something like Cold Play. I guess every one will agree there is nothing and no one like Rabbi Shergill in this world. Maen Bolia is like gill de guitar like composition, it's a story of a conversation , lyrics is as usual Rabbi standard , but till now challa remains the best lyrics for me. "Avengi Ja Nahin" is like "Istehar" lyrically but more modern use of words and sequences , it has this cute chord changes at the starting , sounds like cold play comes to punjab. Now "Ballo" is Rabbi's first attempt to R& B, lyrics is strictly ok, I mean i exepect only wrolds best lyrics from Rabbi. Then comes the best lyrics of the album, with "tu avin bandra", Rabbi takes Indian commercial music to the worlds topmost place. Even Dylan would have been happy to pen down a gem like this. My favourite couplet is
" jehrhian tu dourhan viche chhadian vekhin jinna puri keetian
vekhin tu raaje nagey fired hooran pakhey lamkian."
Then comes the "Paghri Sambhal Jatta". As far as I understand , It is about the history of exploitation of every class of the lower classes. Anyway no comments about this song , apart from the fact pointed oput by bhai that the starting sounds like some pink floyd song.
Last comes bilqis (jinhe Naaz hai), let me remnind you that it is not like jugni of the last album, there is no touch of satire here or any story telling. Its just questions targetted to everyone , from few indians who gave their life fighting against corruption and government non government exploitation. I felt like standing up during this songs. I was thinking that guys with long beard can really write well, marx, tagore, rabbi.......

Haldia trip and some of its consequences

Haldia, provided you know someone in that totally unplanned and polluted city, is a nice place to change your emotional state. I went there to meet my friend, allegedly my gay partner , anirban. I was with him in my high school. To cut the long and boring story short , it is enough to say that he gave me entertainment once upon a time and I gave him. Now I was accompanied by my newly growing hair, joydeb and bappa. Bappa after his breakup with god knows whom has become more funny than ever. But his only problem now is that he doesn't have patience. Joydeb on the other hand after his brief tour of rehabs and 2 month long rehab process is more calm now, but his expression has changed, and the kind of "baal chhera geche" attitude was so joydebisque once upon a time is not present anymore, though his social skills are tremendous. I haven't seen anyone with better social skills than joydeb. Anirban, after his break up with anumita, or rather forced break up with anumita , is trying to show that he is funny and really fine , and whatever happens he doesn't care, again the same baal chhera geche attitude. This is the first thing that happens after a break up, people tend to believe that they are free and blah blah, but again boss hormon hormon . I went to haldia , with few things in mind, i will talk less, no more circus, good whisky and good food ( that too free), boat trip, no discussion about relationship and any other things which has nothing to do with the people present there, and the most important part to give some peace to my otherwise impatient mind. Except the boat ride and whisky none of them were satisfied. Anirban has really big apartment there, god knows how big it is, and he is alone. I can't stay in that kind of place, it looks like a ghost place. So to make the ghost place more humanly we had to do something, so again my performance, again breaking the silence of my mind. After every such performance for few days i feel that i dont have ground below my feet, may be faking is the reason behind this. During the whoel bus trip to haldia, my mind was fresh , a volatile freshness. Wahetver I saw became a poem, most of which I dont remember, then there were lots of other ideas that came in mind. Like a story of two conflict between two groups of human beings, one group never looses their umbrella, other group always forget their umbrella. Another story was some sort of animal story where a dog falls in love with a human girl, but the girl rejects him since he doesn't look like the usual human beings and hence ugly. lots of stories, pretty surreal. But after that trip everything is messed up. Even I cant laugh at my pain anymore. I think I should start believing in god. atleast if something bad happens , i can give the blame on god.

Desire

Desire, the name of the most complex emotion of human pathetic beings. I will rather say that this desire is the most complex emotion of mine. What is it, how is it, these are not the question i am concerned with, the main point is my desire is decreasing. I dont feel like winning something, I dont feel like getting my hands on something which i dont deserve ( though i dont deserve anything). Even the desire of being sad is leaving me. So i decided that i will waste myself a little bit, and with the remainig desire left i will give a try to finish my application. Yes i dont want to go anywhere , also i dont want to stay in my home, i dont want to die either. fuck yes , this is the state i wanted to be, and fuck no , i cant live like this.

scared but free

fear goes with freedom without any problem, as if both of them are somehow related, and this realtion ship is beyond by understanding capability. Today I thought to free myself a little bit, from every single thought, just become thought less. It is not possible. It is same as controlling our mind, how can i be free when my mind is under my control, there should be peaceful and free existence of both me and mind. The ultimate solution was to let my mind be random without any control. It was difficult, and depressing, suicidal. The whole morning I felt I will die, as if everything was burning. But it was important, so i thought i should reduce the weight myslef over my mind. So i went to my secodn favourite bar. Rum and sprite reduced the weight but increased all the insecurity feeling . Everything that I never got , I wanted and i will never get, came infront of my eyes. One of the greates discoveries of that time is , the leg pulling habit , that i have mastered in last few years is just a result of unfulfilled male ego. I should write a book on it. After a long battle , which i lost, i went outside the bar, the world was full of chaos. Yes it was the effect of alcohol. There is nothing called correct answer and the path of knowledge. Knowledge is free so it can not have a path. I walked , then decided that i need more alcohol , had it in my favourite bar , the best bar in this world. And now , when I am drunk and dont make any sense , i declare that i am free, and this trial of making myself free is just another attempt of making myself a slave.

Freedom flies

Freedom flies, like the most irritating insect , everyone wants to kill it , so it is rare, but still it flies. I have seen these flies all my life, it is not irritating for me, and once it bites there are lots of bad effects too. As I become dumb day by day these fly comes back again, but this time to discuss freedom with me. In these years everything has changed , a deep sarcasm more or less dominates my social behaviour, so I become more irritating and stubborn for most of the people. My apathy for all the real things made me unrealistic and most of the time others find difficult to understand my point of view and and the reason of my perpetual happiness. Well I am not free, that is the moral of todays conversation with the fly. Freedom is unattainable unless the real and the inner world becomes same. But it is not possible for me, I feel my outer real world shrinking very rapidly and the inner world becoming totally disconnected with the reality.
Anyway I thought about few free people I know very closely and thought about the person who can really claim to be the most free person. Poets, freedom fighters, intellectuals, monks, ganja seller, pimps, drug addict , jokers and myself , I considered every thing that made my past and made my present so inescapably disconnected with the reality. And after a long consideration it was Lokkhi pishi . She works in our home. In our overly heated economy this kind of people suffers the most . But not she. She is the most clever human being I have ever seen. And most importantly the person who can accept change more than anyone I know. Illetaracy never stopped her to buy small land with proper planning with the small wages she got from the every day washing cleaning job of her. This job , I consider more disgraceful for the emplooyer than the employee. We Indians are strict believers of slavery. Whenever we get some money we want to get pleasure by not doing some trivial daily work and appointing someone for minimal charges. The feeling of having a slave (chakor or naukar) is one of the ultimate fantasy of Indians, and I observed that women love slaves more than men. I dont know the reason yet. Anyway Lokkhi pishi (Laxmi) has done justice to her name. She is the person always looking for something new to add to her life, for her family for her child. Her son goes to English medium school, she buys small land as future investment, she wants to buy old computer for her child .

Ugly , Pagli aur Googly

Getting used to the tourist life of India again, specially kolkata. It is really strange to be treated as tourist by everyone in everypart of this world. Go to chennai there I am in tourist, in europe I am tourist . Well this holiday is a long one, 23 years and still going. When everything becomes predictable and most importantly boring then every wants a googly.
So I went to see my favourite actress Mallika. I dont know why I find her so stunning. Yes she is one of the most beautiful woman i have ever seen on or off screen, she is attractive but there is something about her which is really beautiful , which I can feel but cant express. She was as usual graceful sexy and beautiful in ugly aur pgali, apart from a particular emotional scene her acting was almost what was required. On the other hand Ranbeer Shore was in full form , again apart from few typical bollywood emotional moment. No one with me enjoyed the movie , probably the apathy for mallika. But I enjoyed this movie and apart from being carelessly written at certain parts , mallika gives me back the googly I needed in my mundane life. Love is not a formality, it is the only irrational thing which is desirable and productive.

welcome home , my dear tourist

So again the tourist is back to his most comfortable tourist destination , that is his home. Firstly it is a great relief that I dont have to see any phirangi face here, and I can easily spend my whole day without knowing that human civilisation ever existed. Home looks crowded with lots of old object and most of the time lack of living objects makes it look like a haunted house. But anyway that is how it was always. It's monsoon still, and it reminds me of rain football. But sadly none of my friends are normal humna beings now. As if time has very quickly transformed everyone into corporate product. Indeed now the thrill of meeting my friends are not anymore there, as I saw them tired from office work, then to forget everything every evening either booze or ganja. I can't do it anymore, I have crossed that line, now I want to be physically fit for any confrontation, as there will be a lot in my future life. Once we used to have so much fun, humor had extreme creativity, now the glow has gone, we just remember the glorious past and repent. I hate past and more precisely I hate to live in it. For me present is the only thing that should be lived. So I am in my room again, trying to fix my clock, its running 3 hour 30 minutes slow. So around midnight I feel hungry, actually I feel hungry all the time, I am quite sure that in last 4 days I have eaten more than the amount of food I have eaten in last 4 months. And for t he first time I felt that I ma heavy today when I was running. Another few days and I guess I will cross the 60 kilo weight mark for the first time in my life. There are some good news related to hair also. One of my friend is a medical representative, he , after watching my growing baldness , suggested me that I should try one medicine, whose name I dont remember now. But surely it is quite popular as few other people told me about that. The thing is that it has 100 percent success ( according to the sample space considered here), but it has some serious side effects, it also helps irregular growth behaviour of other hairs and male sexual organs. I am not in this game anymore. Currently preparing the list of cinema I have to see, long time I havent seen any movie in big screen, last time was some good animation with the mafia and her gang.

packing

As Mr Jerome K Jerome said "I rather pride myself on my packing. Packing is one of those many things that I feel I know more about than any other person living. (It surprises me myself, sometimes, how many of these subjects there are.)". Packing is very interesting, specially when you have a lot of things to be packed, very less space available and you are reluctant to pack most of it. I can relate this situtation with the situation of the government run buses in kolkata. They also have the same problem. Too many people to be packed inside the bus, space is limited and the conductor and the driver being the priviledged government employee, very relucatant to give people the rare oppurtunity to travel in a government bus. Normally the easiest way of packing is pseudo packing, something like deconstruction, you pretend that you are packing, take atmost 10 minutes and leave most the things unpacked , and pretend that they dont even exist. This is the way of packing i did in paris. I left most of the things there, as it was important to make the french fries happy and to make them forget about my dirty room and anonymous stay. In Chennai packing was different, I had to pack all my dirty clothes. It is not true that normally I dont wash clothes, yes in Padova I washed twice, and let me confess that even washing can give you heavenly pleasure, specially if you wash your clothes half yearly. Chennai didn't have water. As another mahapurus Indranil Mukherjee said " Different people don't get different things, like in somalia people dont get food, in US they dont get sleep, in france they dont see human beings, in germany people dont get humor, but in CMI people are lucky. We dont get girls and water. So if we dont wash our clothes or ourselves its not a big issue, on the other hand we can use this excuse of dirtyness for our singularity." Anyway this time packing is little bit interesting, I have a bag pack , which can accomodate upto 12 kilogram of dirt, but this year I bought few winter clothes , some of them even i liked. I never liked my clothes, or others clothes, i mean i dont like to be naked, or rather this world wont like if i roam around naked. But somehow the clothes ishtyle never trilled me. But this winter I thought about buying some good winter clothes, and yes I am proud of those winter clothes. I have to take them back, but here i have to make some compromise, which one to take which one to leave. Or may be I can consider my bag as Noah's Ark, and put one piece of every species. It is believed or I believe that when Noah was packing his boat, he missed many species to pack, or he was like me a pseudo packer. So many species became extinct after that crazy monsoon. It is also belived ( or i believe) that India is the arc that Noah Build. Back to the packing again. I have decided to give my fan to the director of my residence, not because of the rumor that he is gay , but becuase he asked so many times that where I am from and then after knowing kolkata, he said the place of mother teresa. Poor guy needs a mother, meanwhile my fan will be a gift from father teresa. I wanted to leave my modern arts in the room, the next person (although he can be a phirangi) coming to my room will be really happy or atleast not sad . But i cant, There is juicer in my room, which i cant take and wont take will also be left behind and probaly become an extinct species very soon.
The most important part is packing documents, as last night I had a dream that I am back in home and I need money. I am searching for my card and then I remember that I dont have my card with me. Shit happens, but most importantly before shit there is always a long disgusting fart (like before storm there is calmness ). This is a warning sign, I love god, he is the best god, for giving me warning sign always and making my life so eventful. Last part of the packing is packing the gifts for my friends, last year I have to give 50 euro bribe in mumbai airport to clear my eight bottles of wine that i took from paris. That was the first and the last time i bribed, and i had to do it, but those for whom i took the wine, said after drinking that they dont get high. Bloody dehatis will only be satisfied by tari and ganja. This year no more illegal things, just 3 bottles of wine and thats it, no gifts for anyone else.
Its time to do nautanki again, that too a regular one, like a daily soap opera, only difference is all along the day i have to do that. Time to meet the movers, the shakers, the smokers, the meditators, the rockers, the walkers, the planners . There are diferent kinds of units to measure different things, for light sound weight height distance, sometime measurement makes the original thing look smaller sometime it makes us feel that it is huge. In our funny times human is also an unit of measurement.

Film to abhi shuru hua hai.....

end of file

As the end nears I feel uncomfortable again. Detachment is the last thing that I will learn in my life. My master thesis is online now, if everything goes well it will be in arxiv, meanwhile its there in my google groups myboredom. What I am saying and why i am saying is not clear to me these days. The failure of not being able to make my favourite wishes true, or may be the fear of the future where there will be only few horrible dreams left, makes all my words false, all my statements weightless. Fear, fear, for two years in high school everyday i had to listen to this word , as vivekananda strongly says everywhere, get rid off fear. But like human beings fear has its power too, what if fear doesn't get rid off me. I am neither strong nor weak, just like a medium, fear , sorrow, love everything come and go as their wish, only an unusual happiness and eternal silence is left everywhere. An ugly observers appreciation of beauty is just an information lost in the global archive of love and languishment of beautiful people, it never had life, it will never see reality. Then he finds dream to give it a pseudo existence. And that is why this fear of losing even the dreams. It is now time to stop, everything is either screwed up or going smoothly as they are supposes to go, just someone is stuck and that is his fault.
Got this translation of poem fo srijat today morning ,

staying abreast in life , I carry my parents on my shoulders,
passing wedding parties, traffic signals, service commissions,
wakes.
I falter , bleed, but never loose my senses.
There on my left , mama singing her light classicals. And on my right
papa is watching tv- an action thriller.
And yes ! it is me who stands on the shoulders
of such overwhelmed parents.
I, who do not care for a good job, or poetic fame, never bother about love or its tragedy,
only wait for a picture of this earth's final day.


Good bye dreams.

Stubborn

I am pretty stubborn. Actually the most stubborn person I have met. I dont know it is a problem or not, but sometime when I start doing something I cant stop. Even after the end (if there is any well defined end for anything in this world). Whole night I tried to solve one problem. I thought it will be the best problem I have ever solved in my life, got stuck for 3 hours, and then again read the statement of the problem and found that I was trying to prove stronger result which might not be true. Anyway the problem is solved now, after a long time I solved exercises. It feels nice to do this once in a while or all the time. Why can't I have a life where I dont have to care about booking tickets, carrying passports, thinking about food. I mean I can work 24 hours per day if I dont get depressed. Depression can be avoided if you dont take part in outside world activity. But then all these regular work forces me to take part. That problem is solved but not the stronger hypothesis, and now i can't sleep. It is still working on my mind. Its hot, humid and i am sleepless, also i have an exam today. I dont want to leave my table today.

The outrage

Chocolates are over, and frankly i didn't need chocolate to get over the damne sad feeling. It was chadril bhattacharya who did the magic again. For those who can read bengali ( that to a really bad texted document) they are lucky enough to read the stuff here :
http://www.guruchandali.com/guruchandali.Controller?font=unicode&portletId=1&pid=jcr://content/guruchandali/guruchandali12/1212466730072

Those who ca't I will try to translate the things later. It is really sad that people like Chandril Bhattacharya is still unnoticed in India. Mainly becuase he writes his things in Bengali. But in near future, I am sure that he will be recognized as one of the leading intellectuals in the world of his time. His logics are very sharp and he has the tremendous power of writing in a style which is really easy to understand but yet the style is funny and well written at the same time. His metaphors always come from real life, and they are not universal most often, and that is the great thing i like. the attempt of universality is a failed one, and i believe that local properties are the only things worth studying (sorry to all the french philosophers, you guys suck a big time, learn something from chandril). This article of Chandril is probably the best article he has ever written or i have ever studied. I tried to write something on the same topic, though the intellectual content was not comparable to that of Chandril, once upon time. We have two different words for love in bengali one is prem another one is bhalobasa. It was way back in high school when I thought about the reason of having this two seprate words. It is not true that both of them means the same thing. Because bengali is a very young language and the colloqial part is the most influential part in bengali literature and language. So this two words should have different meaning. So tried to understand the difference of the two things. I dont know i failed or not in that article but it was true that love has different meanings in different relationships. I showed my article to my almost girlfriend and her boyfriend that time. Both of them didn't agree with whatever i said, this is not a new thing, generally people dont agree with me. but given the conditions that time, i decided to dump the idea of publishing it anyway. When you are a teenager and you have an almost girlfriend, you have to agree with her. Anyway Chandril's article reminded me that one. One of the best part of the article is the use of one of Alakta Nag's comment. In high school, in my favourite course indian culture, our teacher Satya maharaj one day talked about Freud and Derridas work. I bet no one understood a single thing when he was talking about Derrida (including me), and no one supported Freuds arguements (except me). So I thought about studying Derrida. It was bad decision altogether, but I didn't do anything special in high school apart from sleeping, occasional pornography, poetry and adda. So I bought a book of deconstruction and understood nothing from it , Derrida sucks. Then one of my teacher told me to read Anant Nag and Gayatri Spivak. Gayatri Spivak was awesomely boring, it is more boring than any western get together, where you dont have anything fruitful execpt getting dead drunk, or may be that is the reason of getting drunk as people are intellectually challenged in this white world. But Anant Nag was spectacular. I read his work on post independence India and its hatred for the white world. It was amazing, probably the most powerful work on postcolonial literature and philosophies till date ( remembering Edaward Said). I dont know why they dont introduce his work in university education, it can easily generate the sense of tiraskar in mind of indians for the western world, since it is very much needed at this point of time, as more and more we trying to allign ourselves with this axis of evil called the western world. It is said that Alakta Nag made even Derrida uncomfortable with his point of views. Anyway the thing Chandril uses in his article is the following, sorry vulgarity is guaranteed in my blogs, since this is
mine and i dont hide anything when i write ( even my incapability of writing in this phirangi language called english):
" We get kicks regularly. your van picks us up, your clean shaved darogas search bodies of our mothers-sisters. Sun passes away so does accidents. Our brain sticks to the wall of your torcherchamber and lock ups, it drops down from the tip of your boot. After licking our own blood with our squashed ear we run to the lamppost , for appointment with our girlfriends. We break the bulb, making your camera blind. We lick even the tonsils of our imagined wives in a sea long kiss. .......Yes we the son of bitches of third world will teach your pale heart what love is . With our claws and teeth we will teach you the song of slef arrested person in a harem. We piss on everyculture evry day. With our bad breath and our sweaty shirts our fat wives will squat near the tubewell and we will see from our windows and say lets play hide and seek in our childhood locality. We don't have perfume, lollypop, monopoly, we dont preach monogamy hypocritically. We only have body full of swelling, wounds, our only jewellary. We can wait, we can think, we can fast and hence we can love."


Long live Indian philosophy and Indian philosophers.

Stations and airports are really bad things for me, even travelling now seems really bad, and frankly i dont love travelling anymore. any new place freaks me out. Last one year it happened every time, leaving kolkata for padova, leaving padova for some short trip somewhere, everytime i set my step outside my room, i feel a deep urge to comeback to my bed and sleep for long time. the concept of home is really screwed up in my mind now. dont know whether i will be happy to go back to kolkata or to chennai or to any other place. I had many incidents in train stations. specially when i was in chennai. But when someone lacks the notion of home, all this journeys become very difficult. the natural question which always come in mind is wheteher there is an end of this mess . I go back home i am guest there, i go to any other place i am guest there. there is only going no coming back, and its not always easy to comeback. i felt like flying back to india when i went to airport with pranav. it was a little bit uncomfortable feeling , but when i was going back to padova i didn't find any reason to go back to india , it's just someone else is happy becuase he has a strong idea of home made me sick and jealous. this kind of rootlessness is the source of biggest depression , and to avoid it eat lots of chocolate is the only advise i can give to myself.

un memoir pour mes ami

je parle pas français, je parle pas aucune language. mais je try parle tout de language existant. ne pas try translate cette memoir avec google tranlate, depuis le language des cette memoir n'est pas une laguage reel. je change tout language et je faire eux une language tres simple et tres vulgar et tres politiquement incorrect. Le but de mes vie est destroy tout de la concept de culture religion nationalite language de plus destruction de tout le sophistication pseudo. alor je propose que tout le personne sentimentale sur language et culture, leave, s’il vous plaît. j'ai une dream plus grand ( alor
un nightmare pour autre) , et le philosophie de vie est faire les dream vrai. je ne pas care si tout le personne est against io, je ne pas care si tout le theorie presente est against io philosophie de complete destruction et non assimilation. attention, cette philosphie n'est pas un philosophie nihilist , de puis cette philosophie n'est pas une philosophie universal. la seule chose est justice pour mes monde , ce ne pas le monde reel, comme le monde rel est full des putiane de merde. mes monde est tres beautiful est full of seule grande human. cette monde est le seul monde j'aime et les seule monde je know. le premier statement des mon memoir de masters cette year est " culture, nationality, religion, skin color are the vague attempts of weak human beings to identify themselves with something strong. Be strong , be alone."

Sadhana, Production : M.Chowdhury Prachesta (1956)

Like every other post dinner session I was googling. Everynight I google random things to get some entertainment. Tonight, when I was coming back from dinner I was trying hard to remember the name of the only film my grandfather made. It is a shame that I forgot that, but let me very honest, I never remembered most of his songs poems or his only film. For songs and poems I was kept away from all those things though I believe that I was the most close person to my grandfather. I dont remember anything baout him, I was very small when he died, but somehow our lives are same, only I got enough chances in my life, and I am not at all an artist. I dont remember him as a human being, all my pictures of him came from his lyrics poems and the stories related to him. And there are many many interesting stories. Anyway I was kept away from his songs and poetry since no one believed or still believes in my family that I have music or poetry in me. I dont know what is the precise reason behind that, maybe i dont look serious enough to convince others or sad enough to prove that I do understand poetry. My name was given by my grandfather. It is said that he thought i will do justice to my name. Its really interesting for me to understand whether my name predecided my nature or I unknowingly tried to justify my name. Anyway from the starting point I started developing a soft corner for him. The stories of going to opposition congress parties winning celebration after loosing the election as communist candidate in strict congress west bengal or the his some sort of autobiography where he honestly admits all the lies he had said made him one of my favourite human beings, my brother remains the favourite for me. He had the unique ability to accept anything new. My uncle's brother in law Gautam Chattopadhyay was trying to start a new generation of music in seventies. It was full of rock , country and jazz style in it but totally indianised, with mixture of baul, toppa, shyama sangit and bhatiyali. They were trying to change the whole concept of music arrangement in India. As usual no one accepted them. All of them broke apart and atlast in last 10 years they gained popularity in some parts of west bengal. Anyway that time they used to come to our home and talk with my grandfather as he was the first person to change the style of bengali lyrics. When all of the contemporary poets musicians rejected them my grandfather accepted Mohiner Ghoraguli and may be Mohiner ghoraguli paid their homage by covering one of my grandfathers songs "dinduniyar malik tomar din ke doya hoy na" ( the owner of this world dont you feel sad for the poor) . Change is the only constant , and he understood it better than anyone. I also liked his nationalism. The reason the stories about the film was kept away from me because still that phase is considered as dark phase in my family. My grandfather lost all his money for this film, even the jewellary of my grandmother. He almost killed himself, but didn't do that atlast. He lived. He lived an unemployed life, with three son (four son, one of them died) and one daughter and one wife. He lived and wrote songs and even the day he died he went to record one of his songs ad came back and had a silent heart attack and died. This rebels, like my grandfather and Gautam Chattopadhyay, probably defines the ideal human life properly. They suffer, people make fun of their apparent failures, but still they work silently, lives a common man's life, without any award or reward, and one day they die hiding all their pains. Their work remains there, people start to understand their point of view (for example the huge bengali rock and organised folk music industry taking shape in kolkata after the death of gautam chattopadhyay, pritam using the song prithibi for na jane koi, or suman starting a new generation music called jibon mukhi in early nineties after the death of my grandfather). Yes my grandfather and gautam chattopadhyay will be totally forgotten, may be their songs, after few years , will be used by others without any mention about them. But still in every independence day or any national celebration will be incomplete without "muktiro mondiro shopanotole", any debate on indian rock music will be toatlly incomplete without the mention of prithibita naki chhoto hote hote, there wont be any couple in kolkata who will never hear sohorer ushnotomodine. In some way people like him or gautam chattopadhyay or jibonanondo das never die. I salute this down to earth rebels, they confirm my belief that not everything is wrong in this world. Before finishing this aimless blog (like all the other things in my life) i wish to quote one of my favourite poems of jibonanondo das, in some sense he taugt me how bad poet I am, this is just remembering the master and all the other masters :

Amidst a vast meadow the last time when I met her
I said: 'Come again a time like this
if one day you so wish
twenty five years later.'
This been said, I came back home.
After that, many a time, the moon and the stars,
from field to field have died, the owls and the rats
searching grains in paddy fields on a moonlit night
fluttered and crept! - shut eyed
many times left and right
have slept
several souls! - awake kept I
all alone - the stars on the sky
travel fast
faster still, time speeds by.
Yet it seems
Twenty-five years will forever last.


Probably I will love to live.

two pems with bad translation

These are the two poems which somehow made me a little bit lazy today. Both translations are bad, that doesn't means the original ones are good. First one I wrote today , second one was probably written last summer or first month in padova.

eko-chhotro emon borshakale,
premik kemon aponmone chole
rasta,
sosta
jodi hoto tajmohol, kinai ditam, shonge
tukro takra moskora sombol, cake-er upor topping, shorbange
brishti mekhe,
k tumi ? dakle sheshe ?
chokh jholsay, bhalobeshe
takale.

ekprostho emon brishti hole,
premik tokhon premer kothai bole,
dhushor dine shorbange
mekhe bhalobashar theme,
altufaltu loke khnoje forsa hobar cream,
k tumi ? khnujle sheshe amake ?

In this one-umbrella rainy season,
lover walks his disntinguished road,
if the tajmahal were cheap, i would have gifted it, with
pieces of humor, topping over the cake,
with rain all over your body, who are you calling me ?
my eye burns , whenever i look at you with love.

whenever it rains like this,
lover talks about only love,
with the theme of love all over his body
in this greyish day,
and unimportant people search for fairness cream,
who are you searching for me atlast ?

hoyto neshay chhilam ?.
kimba shotti tumi shundor ?
kintu jokhon shobar shamney tumi
mishti heshey bolley
"tumi na khub flirt koro "
tokhon amar khub kharap legechhilo .
keno nodi keno ?
ae chapa dupur
tar majhey nongra jibon
bichhanay kotodiner purono gham
table-a tar chay-o purono Dostoyevsky,
hatey byathha kora dhowa bukey byathha diye to besh berochchhilo ,
tobey keno tumi ojana baank niye amar dikey-e eley ?
amakey jol khawaley
teshta berey gelo
ekhon prithhibir shob nodi shob shagor k paan korar j ichchha chhilo
ta puro puri choley gechhe .
shudhu tomar dharey boshey dekhbo r o nod nodi tomatey eshey mishchhey
r tumi cholechho shagorer dikey .
shagor shay bhishon akorshoniyo tomar kachhe ,
tar mahatyo , tatey mishey jabar jonyo tomar utteyjona konodin tumi
lokao ni .
hingsha hobey , ashto tomakey onyo kothao miley jetey dekhley
emonki durey jekhaney akash tomar shathey mishechhey shekhaney-o aami thaktey chae .
privacy boley kichhu rakhlam na.
keno nodi keno?

May be I was drunk ?
or you are really beautiful ?
but when you said infront of everybody witha sweet smile
that I flirt too much,
I was sad.
why nodi? why ?
this silent afternoon
and the dirty life in it,
old sweat on my bed,
even older doestoyevsky on my table,
hand paining smoke was smoothly going out after giving pain to my lungs,
then why you took a turn towards me ?
gave me water,
my thirst increased,
now the dream of drinking all the rivers and sea is completely gone.
i will just sit beside you now and see all the nod and nodi meeting with you,
and you are going towards the sea.
sea is very attarctive for you,
the hugeness of him and your urge of dissolving in him
you never hide.
i will be jealous to see you dissolving into something completely,
even far away where the sky meets you, i want to be there,
theres is no privacy for you , isn't it ?
why nodi, why ?

*Nodi is female river and nod is male river.

ae matro alo jolechhe,
mukhey rong ,akashey shondhe,
prokash korar onyo chhondey
onekey miley pordar dharey
tanbey ki tanbey na porda
dinbhor kilbiliye , loke esheychhe,
koyek gram ujar,
jonmo mrityu, koumarjo, sitar patal probesh,
gondho shukbo ki shukbo na
emon bhabna
nae kono kukurer.
bakira klanto
ae jogorjhompey
paley paley manush
matha ghurchhe
rong gondho poth shobdo ae niye
natok genthechhi
r stage-a ekhon jholmolay
bastobdhormi shajposhak.

just now the light has blossomed,

color on my face, evening all over the sky,

many have gathered beside the curtain

for the new rhythm of exaplanation,

should they pull the curtain ?

like insects people have come the whole day,

emptying few villages,

birth -death, virginity , patal prabesh of sita,

should i smell it or not ?

no dog thought about that ,

others are tired,

in this worldly sound and dance

people have gathered like beasts,

I am feeling dizzy.

with colors , smells , roads and words

i have embroided this play.

And on the stage glitters practical fashion.

When time ends, this morning, and the hidden memories are wrinkled

Happy , Happy, Happy. My father alwyas warned me that happiness is limited, so we should spend it properly. I dont believe, there is nothing limited in this world. Its our fault , its our limitation that we can only think about limited things, we only think when we are forced to think, we only think staying inside our limited resources of experiences and close all the other possibilities of feedback. Ritwik Ghatak once told a student "practise thinking". Yes it is very important. There are no particular ways of thinking, and there are nothing called good way of thinking or bad way of thinking. Every second our mind thinks, sometime we dont even know what is she thinking about. We just try to control our mind and make it to think with us. But it is not supposed to be that way. It is we who should make ourselves think with our mind.
Today everyone is in a phislosophical mood, so I thought I should add my pakao philosophies too. Saurabh bhaiya as usual can easily become the prophet in a world where people have good sense of humor and open mind to accept new things. I dont know the last time when I learned so many things from a single person, I also dont remember the last time when I had so many galis from a single person. After this academic year, as the life of a graduate student has this as the unit of year, I will miss those b.b (balcony bashing), b.f (balcony fundebaji) and b.s (balcony smoking) days with him. As I lokk back to my two years of masters in europe today, I dont feel that it was at all fruitless. I didnt produce that much mathematically that i was supposed to produce, given the motivation and background i had in mathematics after undergarduation. But then I learned so many things. I learned how to live and not succumb to the pressure of the outside world. I learned how to be happy with small things. I learned how to enjoy alone. Srushti is basically a funny creature, who thinks and produces trash philosophies ( better than mine offcourse), but he is very helpful. His room in weekends in paris was a real escape for me. All those experiments of cooking and chutiyapa has made me a good marriage material . See I can cook reasonably, I have a weird sense of umor (aleast I have it ok), I can live with other human beings peacefully, I can talk about nonsense for a long time, I like kids, I am happy with the option of being a househusband or a dog, and most importantly I dont get bored with anything after this two years.
So srushti told me that he liked the songs I recorded last year in Paris. He is the second person to say that. And I am very happy that atleast there exists two human beings who liked them. One of the songs was written for one of my friends. His name is Saurabh Shaw. But we know him as Chasa (farmer) (for his dehati way of living), hulo (for his love for cats and he also looks like male cats). the song was an attempt to make this phenomena called chasa in every college. The lyrics is vulgar and dont try to understand it if you dont appreciate vulgarity.

Myao Myao chasa,
moder gorob asha,
kokhono awush amon dhan, kokhono desi aon dhan,
shokale lota haate mathe ghate bosha,
shay j trendy chasa , chay rendi khasa,
kokhono menir telephone, kohono nijer guprodhon
babai-e haat buliye dnat keliye hasa.

chashi bhai khetekhute, bhablo bekar e jawani
onekdin beral chude gonorrhea-r hoyrani
gamla gamla birjo dhele chashar shine shirshirani
pokar marar worldcup-a chasha jitlo menir joni
tarpor jemonti hoy, e golpo same golpo noy
mondirer kone shesh bhalobasha
myao myao myao chasha.


The second song is a non vulgar one, and maybe it is not that good, but it has a very fresh tune :

amar bhalobasha kothay umi aaj,
jokhon shomoy shesh hoy
shatshokale aaj
paat kora shob smriti te porlo bhnaj.

r pache tomar amar prem bnache
jholshe jay kono kobita
paar kore shomoy-thomoy joto achhe
gupto ajke shobita
table konay thongay thongay shobdo aaj hochche jobdo
cable theke tv chhoray dirghoswash
table konay thongay thongay shobdo aaj hochche jobdo
shower khule khamkhelyalir srabon mash.
amar bhalo basha kothay tumi aaj
jokhon shomoy shesh hoy shaatshokale aaj
paat kora shob smritite porlo bhnaj.

Bt my favourite songs remain ai raat, the lyrics is a bit immature but anyway it was written 3 years back.
There are few poeple who are so lovable that you can not help yourself . Yes I have met this kind of people, most of the time when i am in a very bad phase of my life. And most of the time after the bad phase is over they leave, it is like that always. Every sentence is terminated by a full stop. But, hey, the last sentence of this blog is not , I just l