3 songs

For the last 5 years weekends are those days of the week which i tried to avoid all the time. In padova though, weekends are very special, reasons are very personal, and probably you don't care for that. Anyway yesterday I thought I will study today, but after lunch I felt like playing with my guitar. So came back to my room and started some random strumming. Nothing new came. Then went through the earlier recorded songs, there are actually too many songs which are not comepleted yet. Some of them have only the first few lines, some of them dont have lyrics. So picked up two songs which I composed last month in this kind of random weekend strumming sessions. Then got bored and frustrated as I didn't have any lyrics. Then tried to read maths, but somehow there were few conversations came in my mind which made me really stiff and frustrated. Smoked a few ciggs which made me more frustrated and tired, played again some random chord, with anger. So I cut my finer. When I was sure that I can't come up with anything new and I should go for a long run, there it was. I got a new tune, good or bad I don't care, I want to thank the tree infront of my balcony which gave me company throughout my stay in padova. Its a two chord song, and mostly influenced by the great two hord songs of rahman "ynuhi chala chal" and " roobaro". Till now the lyrics is not fixed, but sure about the first line of the song. It should be " oh summer tui j amar". When I was recording the parts of the song i found it really great and sweet. But now, when i listen to it I find it not that great. anyway, it happens all the time, after finishing something I need a little detachment from that. The other two songs needed little bit more tuning and lyrics so fixed them too. One is a three chord tune, with G D and C and its more like punk rock the other one is three chord D. A .G , more like cold play style alternative rock. My previous works were mostly influenced by chandrabindoo and belafonte but as I ore listen radiohead and coldplay the more I get influenced. In flunece is not ba d as long as you are not publishing it. I dont believe in publications so I am safe , no one can blame me for plagiarism. These random guitar strumming sessiona reminds me of my days in Ramakrishna mission. Ayantik, dhanne and me one day decided that we will have band of our own. So dhanne said that he can play guitar and sitar, ayantik had nice voice , and had the duty to write the lyrics. The only problem was whol will give the music. My roommate was a great painter , he painted the cover of our first album which never released ( ha ha ha). The week the idea of the band was formed all of us had the duty to make a breakthrough by giving feedback for the first song. I was waiting for others to come up with some tune so that I can write the lyrics. Writing poem or lyrics was not a difficult thing for me, as I wrote hundreds of poems plays and stories. But I was musically challenged. Though I belong to a very very musical family, my grandfather was renowned poet and lyricist, all my cousin sisters are really well trained singer, my father and uncles can sing well, my borther has nice voice too. Every family occassion was a musical fest kind of a thing. Where people praised all the others for having such nice voices and fair skin. I am black (few nicknames given to me by my family members are "kalicharan" and "ghutghut (means darkness)", and for some odd reason I was never encouraged to learn music. Everyone (including my mother) assumed that I will become some sportsman or some engineer. So there was I , hating music and fairness. That's the reason why I never didn't care for composing music for the songs of our band. The week when everyone was busy to compose the music, I devoted my energy to sleep and aimless adda. But on the weekend when I went back to home. I thought about writing the lyrics first so that my friends can find it easy to compose the music. So started writing the lyrics, made many alternatives. Thet time I was with cactus and savage garden. So I thought I will try to fit the lyrics with the rhythm of the songs of cactus and savage garden. I spent the whole saturday helping my mother to do the laundry and coming up with different lines. I sat near the window and sang the lyrics in the tune of different songs. My mother usually thinks I am an insane pervert, so didn't pay any notice. I got a tune. Not completely original but yet a new tune. I never believed ( or never allwoed to believe that ) that I have music inside me. I was happy, as happy as the naked archimedes. I took the tape recorder and an old bhajan casette and recorded the whole thing. My mother asked me about what were I doing, I played the song, she didn't show any reaction . I was pissed off, and kept my casette inside the hidden treasure box thinking that even my friends will have the same emotion for this osng, so it is better to hide this thing from them to save myslef from being hurt. Two weeks passed, there were no progress from my friend side, they were desparate, one of them told me to try to find some tune for the song, so gave them the casette. Ayantik and dhanne liked it, others had the same kind of reaction that my mother showed. Ayantik also figures out the part which sounded like savage garden. I told him about my musical incapability. So thats how it started. I made 6 songs lyrics and tune both. Lyrics were good given my maturity of that time. Some of the tunes though really sucked. I mean if you have only one guitar , no percussion then some of the song will taste like saltless vegetarian dish. The album never released, dhanne was busy with his medical entrance, board exam, ayantik was believed to be spoiled by me and bunked the board exam ( I never saw his face after the boards exam), and I the alleged spoiler and the biggest gainer and the selfish and the .......... made my unique minimum effort way to survive all the other things and made myself elligible to enjoy the scholarship for euroepan holidays, sitting here, briefly living in the past. The name of our band was prabrishik ( which means fruit of rainy season), name of our unreleased first album was swapno nagari te jai ( lets go to the dream world). I named the band. And after that it became my email id, main charecter of one of my scripts. May be I was the only one who dreamt, little did i know that I will carry this dream with me and the work started from that dream will give me another mode of personal entertainment for me. After the band broke up ( we never had a breakthrough ) , I didn't stop composing . My father gifted me a guitar for my abysmal performance in the board exams. Jayant taught me a little about how to spend time with that thing. So I used these small knowledges and came up with few nice songs. Though the influence changed from cactus and anjan dutta to chandrabindoo and belafonte. In second year of CMI, I made the best song of my life. Yes I didn't allow any of my family memebers to know about the song. I sang it for laal, he liked it. He has great voice, and he is totally untrained. Whenever we meet he sings this song , the song is called ai raat ( this night). There are some influences of the antara of pehal nasha, but anyway as I told I am not interested in publishing them. I bought a cheap software to record the tunes in my comp, that way I can remember the tunes which randomly comes without lyrics and patch them together with lyrics to get a new song for me. Telling this things to people has a negative effect also, they will say that I am talented but I am wasting my time and potential. Well, neither I am talented, nor I am intelligent. I dont belive in them, so I am not wasting anything. My way of living life is different. I don't leave anything, I dont have goal either. I just play with everything, take a thought and observe it from different places , in different emotions and then patch them up to get some personal entertainment. The word closesly describing this can be personal philosophical cubism. All the decisions I have taken in my life has some emotions attached to it which i dont bother to describe to anyone, and I stand by those decisions. My work is appreciated by my brother ( who loves everything I do) , some of my close friends, some of the human beings I love. For others I dont want to exist. Someday like everyone I will also disappear but not to go to some other place in this world but to leave this chhote logoki duniya. Till then I will enjoy everything. As I have said
"Ticket leke aya hu, pura film dekhke jawunga".