blogging just for the sake of it

Jibananda Das once said : " whoever writes poem is not a poet , few of them are ". Then indian government said padhna likhna sikho. Everyday in many indian homes many children gets the hard lesson from their parents : What is the point of studying, readin writing. I, the priviledged here not only know how to write , but have many options of making my voice heard, and too some extent I have managed grow my own voice. Pen is mightier than sword, but whenver sword is taken by someone , someone has to die, there has to be blood. So when you have a sword in your hand you are supposed take sides and fix whom to kill, whose blood you want to take. Isn't it true for pen too. When you have pen, you have to take sides, since there will be speculation.

I had holiday, a strange one. It was like a long feverish state . Fever is the best time for me, since that is the time when i loose control over reality. There are lots of situations when actually i had dreams but couldn't make out whether they are real or not. I guess it is the rush of hot blood flowing always towards brain that gives these strong dreams, and as Dostoevsky clearly proved to me last summer that these dreams of fever are the true colros of what we want we need and our shortcomings.

How many original ideas i have came across in my life, how many original ideas were ever conceived by human beings. Personally , I think there are very few ideas which are not at all trivial. And in the list of my supreme inventor I have
Gautam Buddha
Mahatma Gandhi
J krishnamurti
Riemann
Manmohan Singh
How often these invenetors turned out to be really invidualistic is a natural consequence of the necessity of invention. But one news this week made me think twice about the necessity of individualism . There is a school in Bankura district in westbengal , mostly for the tribal students , which made me wonder whether good connectivity of all sorts of knowledge is more important than a fresh but experienced mind. They wanted to increase the particiaption of students in the school., they wanted to make the student aware of hygene, they wanted to reduce the number of school drop outs . What they did is they started a parliament in the school, with council of ministers , elected by the students, elected from the students. There are bell ministers whose duty is too check whether all the school bells are ringing according to the time, there is a prayer song minister, then dress minister, food minister who checks the mid day meal thing. All the ministers are chosen by the students and also there is pint system based on their overall performance in the school. The highest point goes to honesty. I wont be surprised in next 30 -40 years if we see the end of gandhi dynasty and we find our first tribal prime minister from one of these great Indians.

open letter

I was going through many words few minutes back, just a good past time. Words which are so powerful for me tonight that i get it first whenever i start thinking about words. The phrase which came in my mind is open letter. Open letters are supposed be very open, like the way sky is open . The thing about open or closed is really interesting. Open belonged to those kind of concepts even whose opposite can not be concretely defined. Both are related to each other. Anyway i have written few not so opne letters and one opne letter in my life, and they are so open that it wont come in opne air in their life .
Or may be that album of anjun dutta "priyo bondhu " , where there were so many open letters, between two completely disconnected people living far away from each other. Though i find the album very unsmart now but that was the first gift I bought for someone, and it will remain as the biggest mistake of my life.
I never saw any open letter in my life, but somehow i used to think that open letters are something like articles written in personal diary , but now as i know quite a lot about different things know open letters are sort of last thing we want to say about some topic and then completely stop. It is like the last thing you want to say in our break up day meeting , those harsh may be extra emotional words knowing that probably we will never face each other. i heard about the break up stories from my friends and i think i know more about break up dates than any one in this world. My friends are really good story tellers.

And when every bird finds their home back,
no river returns,
some of them dies on the way , never meeting anyone.
they are no more river
just carrying tears of millenium.

Chandrayan

At last, the long lasting dream of mine will be true. India, after wednesday successful moon venture, will join the greatest feat of modern science. I was thrilled, like any other toddler, about space, as it is the easiest thing to imagine even though you are poor, something like playing football. When you are alone and small you look up and try to make yourself feel more alone and humble and that gives statbility and good night sleep. I used think about space crafts and read all the information related to space technology in our bengali dailies. It was my dream to become the first man to reach sun and then thanking the people in sun for giving such a nice dreamy sunshine during the winter afternoons. But soon it was realised by these dreamy eyes that sun is not reacheble by human beings and mars is infected by the american machinery. So I started dreaming about being in Moon. I made lots of drawing of my space craft that will take me to moon, I heard there no mosquitos in moon, which made it the best place for me. After all these long years atlast ,we, the most potent and yet the most disgusting race called Indians will start our journey to set our foot in moon. Apart from the economic and scientific benefits of this mission, it will have a great impact on the mind of average newspaper readin indians. It will be a real confidence booster for billions. Though our subaltern frineds , the chinese, have already launched their mission, but a democratic country like india it wont be any less important, as we will be the second democratic country to make our presence felt on moon. Scientifically India always had a strong position in this world, specially post colonial science. There were no thoughts ever thought my human beings which never rattled any indian mind . Every thing had place here, so was science in its most original form, that is yukti or logic. Infact post world war India had the largest number of trained scientist after america and russia, though our education system was the poorest. And like everything scinece also found a new and totally indian expression altogether. The state of the art technology used in ISRO is probably nothing comapred to NASA but still it is totally Indian , cheap and works as efficiently as anything created by NASA. India is the place of experiment and the greatest expreiments about human beings and its tendencies. I always believed that variation is the soul of creativity and india offers it in abundance. But then what keeps us backwards, it is simply the lack of confidence. Lack of confidence syndrom is everywhere in this wrold, that is why germans call themselves germans so that they can fight together or bully together, same is true for any man of proud nation or religion or sect or race. But Indian, being exploited by the burgoise of different race for a long time, lacks it totally. I still remain close to my observation that individualism is only practised properly in India and African nations , but then those who practise is always outnumbered by those who are not sure about themselves . Those people always take India backwards. During these Chadrayan phase, there was another news of scrapping the gay sex law. This law was started by the asshole phirangis in india and they did not forget to attach religious sentiments with it, forgetting the fact that even in ancient india gay sex was not forbidden, not even in the time of war when reproduction was more importantly associated with sexuality than pleasure-stability and love. The post colonial India being so pseudo secular and pseudo modern that it never tried to scrap this law , and even supported the western propaganda that gay sex causes aids more than anything. Statictics is the biggest lie in this world, but indian governments never ever tried to even take the help of statistics. But now how can you stop a nation full of strong people with only one thing called freedom in mind. Vikram Seth wrote an open letter to many leading dailies about this law and the effect of it. And now high court has told Indian Government to show scientific facts or scrap this law. Mister health minister , being a very responsible person is always in favour with scrapping this law, and all the human beings hope that this law will be scrapped very soon. Lets pray for those guys and girls who loved someone from the same sex and either ended their life or always struggled againts this faulty system. Lets hope that very soon we will see gay and lesbian lovers like all their freudian counterparts roaming around the city, holding hands kissing each other. Even freudian love doesn't know any discrmination and it is high time that we not only accept this truth but realise it. There is only one sort of crime, and that is theft and all the other crimes are variations of it. We can not steal the right of anyones sexual selection, and even if our dumb god gets angry with it we have to play according to the rule we have set. Discrmination has to be ended, any sort of discrmination.

Salil choudhury

The latest addition to the collection of official songs has a genuine touch of salil choudhury. As a composer I dont have any basic training , nor do I have any idea of musical notes. The only way I understand music by listenig to different kind of music, so all my music has lots of inspiration and sounds like sometime really some known song. Salil Choudhury , S.D Burman , A.R Rahman, Chandrabindoo, Belafonte and recently Indian Ocean and Raghu Dixit are few of my favourite composers. But mostly my music is influenced by salil choudhury and chandrabindoo. Even the lyrics is an amalgamation of modern bengali poetry and contemporary lyrical inventions . This song was composed in Paris. I was as usual jobless and one of my friend during chatting session told me to write a song bullying one of my other friend. i made a song but then after humming the song for sometime i got another tune, and I loved that tune, so I wrote oh my love where are you today . It is totally beatles style of music with constant presence of salil choudhury

amar bhalobasha kothay tumi aaj
jokhon ami jege roi
shaat shokale aaj
paat kora shob sritite porlo bhanj

r pachhe tomar amar prem bnache
jholse jay kono kobita
paar kore shomoy thomoy joto ache
gupto aajke shobi ta
table konay thongay thongay shobdo aaj hochche jobdo
cable theke tv chhoray dirghoshash
table konay thongay thongay shobdo aaj hochche jobdo
shower khule khamkheyalir srabon mash.

oh my love where are you today
when i stay awake in this early morning
and all the memories gets plit ?

For the fear that our love survives and all the poems gets burned
i have crossed all the time and kept it secretly.
in the corner of the table, on the paper packets, words getting jumbled in jumble words .
television sighs through the cable,
in the corner of the table, on the paper packets, words getting jumbled in jumble words .
rainy season starts below the shower whenver I want.

oh my love where are you today ?

Durga the subaltern power

Durga Puja never had any special effect in my life, apart from lots of painful incidents I dont remember anything important happening in my life during this puja. But Durga is very special, not only in my life but in the life of every subaltern living in my part of world. Once upon a time I did lots of pandal hopping. That time durga used to be like hema malini , fair, bulky and more motherly love and affection on the face than feminity. She used to be a total housewife , who has lost the charm of attracting anyone and that is why she is happy with her family and husband does her job without any protest . It used be the kind of male dominated propaganda spread at that time in our subaltern society. But I sharply remember , five or four years back, I saw a durga which was totally different from any of the durgas of our time . I found her extremely attractive, and told my friend that it was the sexiest sculpture I have ever seen. And this time I saw one in Suruchi Sangha. For guys like me, confused and totally dominated by the west , she is the perfect dream partner. She was petite but curvy, wearing a working women black saree in the most sensual way, she was dark and sindur was there on her forehead, her face had multiple layer of expressions, as if she can tell us the stories of all dark and bright temptations of human beings. When I saw her I was not spellbound, as I have seen lots of its kind in my life and somehow I secretly appreciated their beauty.

Durga, indeed, is the strongest sub altern power. First of all worshipping a total feminist power is really non western and non aryan . Secondly , there aren't any better potrayal of the largest subaltern of this world other than durga , powerful, with family, and also few pets .

Let me list out few of the women who ?I found closer too durga. I will not take this oppurtunity to name anyone whom I know personally, as again beauty should be appreciated silently. First of all the woman whose physical features matches with my conception of durga are

sobha de
naomi campbell
madhuri dixit
deepika padukone
bipasha basu
to some extent sania mirza ( she and mallika is more like saraswati than durga for me)

And as far as power is concerned, i think gayatri chakravorty spivak is the best example for me.

Every thing has an end, this simple truth sometime hurt us when we have to bid afrewell to our loved adimired things and persons. Ganguly wont't be playing anymore after this test series, and like any other Indian male with self respect feeling of justice, it hurts to see the way he has to leave. For me he is the ultimate fighter. I dont remember the time whne I first heard his name, it might be after class 5 or something . Some one said he is the best thing in offisde, someone said he is the most arrogant indian cricketer ever, someone said he is the smartest indian cricketer ever. I didnt have any opinion about him at the starting. But as he became god in our part of the world I started hating him. Tendulkar was my all time favourite batsman , but at that time ganguly was giving sachin stiff competition as the best ODI batsman. Sachin was hosrt so am I, so I have somesort of weak point for sachin and that made me very critical about ganguly. Another thing , which was very strongly present was the fact that everyone was praising ganguly at that time, and i strictly cant do things which everyone does , and in a democratic system it is better to form lots of minoritygroups, then and only then proper justice can take place. Anyway whatever be the reason I was very critical about him, but one thing was totally obvious that he was the man of supreme confidence and self respect but above all he is the greatest fighter india ever had in any field. I strongly felt the difference he made to indian mentality after i went to India. Indian males were thought to be really submissive type, who will never fight and can not protect his own belongings, lacks physical smartness and all in all a defeated class. This was the colonialist propaganda to alter the sexual selection of Indian females, so that they will give preference to white westerners ( like the husband shopping concept of latin american females), but unlike latin america this propaganda failed and so showing the weak non combative picture of Indian males became very prominent in western world. Normally in this kind situation other nations racted differently, like China . They started developing their sporting facilities, sport gives a moral booster to a whole nation, and specially its counter propaganda quality. India had hockey once upon a time but it died since the westerners wanted to end the indian dominance and they re invented hockey and it rules and our indian friends never believed in competing. So for a long time india had only one sports, the insect . Though India won world cup , but if i try to imagine the faces and the attitude of the cricketers of that time , I can only match them with the kind of attitude my father has. It is like give me what my share is and i dont want anything, you decide what will be my share , and even if you abuse me after giving my share i will forgive you ro i will show you by my work how good i am. It continued till the era of early sachin and late azhar timer. But then ganguly became the captain, and india team changed. For ganguly he is not satisfied with his share, he wants everything, for him winning is not the last thing , it is destroying the opponent, specially the strongest opponents. No one ever believed that steve waugh can wait for toss because the opponent skipper was in the dressing room, he is the first cricketer to start using local language slang against the whites, he also made sure that the word phirangi is used as a slang. It was high time to show the whites their original picture, and he did that. Whenevr I am down and out I always remember his innings in adelaide , or the great test match against australia in eden gardens. The pale and pigmentally challeneged face of all aussies and the jubilient Indian blue caps. For ganguly there is only one thing I can say Joy guru Enjoy guru, for very few contemporary bongs like you still i remember my bong connection.

dumbstruck

It is so crowded , but what a contrast, i dont have any new thing to think about. It is scary to go outside, may be there will be bomb somewhere, or atleast some bus will run over some worthless life like me, there is a fear of just disappearing in the crowd, also there is a fear of getting recognised by everyone . Once upon time one person was a preacher of a balanced life, where everything will be there in a balanced way. there wont be any attachment to anything , freedom should be there for everyone , even freedom of hurting should be there. but i guess i am getting older really quickly, or maybe my age becomes older rapidly but i dont.

I saw one performance today. it was just a mime, but what a great performance ! simple script but great excution. Rudranil and kanchan are the best actors i have ever seen live. While kanchan is more like a natural comedian, rudranil is partly satirists . Rudranil reminds me of too many kafka charecters. Once upon a time, when I first read kafka, that too a really bad bengali translation, i thought how does a writer knows so much about all the small things about my life . Today i am convinced that being me is not a unique act, there many actors in the same role.


The program is cancelled. I dont want to go outside and i am sick of all those people who treats me like a whore. Tomorrow i will write a song, probably the best song of my life. Kafka made me this , or may be he was in the same role.