welcome home , my dear tourist

So again the tourist is back to his most comfortable tourist destination , that is his home. Firstly it is a great relief that I dont have to see any phirangi face here, and I can easily spend my whole day without knowing that human civilisation ever existed. Home looks crowded with lots of old object and most of the time lack of living objects makes it look like a haunted house. But anyway that is how it was always. It's monsoon still, and it reminds me of rain football. But sadly none of my friends are normal humna beings now. As if time has very quickly transformed everyone into corporate product. Indeed now the thrill of meeting my friends are not anymore there, as I saw them tired from office work, then to forget everything every evening either booze or ganja. I can't do it anymore, I have crossed that line, now I want to be physically fit for any confrontation, as there will be a lot in my future life. Once we used to have so much fun, humor had extreme creativity, now the glow has gone, we just remember the glorious past and repent. I hate past and more precisely I hate to live in it. For me present is the only thing that should be lived. So I am in my room again, trying to fix my clock, its running 3 hour 30 minutes slow. So around midnight I feel hungry, actually I feel hungry all the time, I am quite sure that in last 4 days I have eaten more than the amount of food I have eaten in last 4 months. And for t he first time I felt that I ma heavy today when I was running. Another few days and I guess I will cross the 60 kilo weight mark for the first time in my life. There are some good news related to hair also. One of my friend is a medical representative, he , after watching my growing baldness , suggested me that I should try one medicine, whose name I dont remember now. But surely it is quite popular as few other people told me about that. The thing is that it has 100 percent success ( according to the sample space considered here), but it has some serious side effects, it also helps irregular growth behaviour of other hairs and male sexual organs. I am not in this game anymore. Currently preparing the list of cinema I have to see, long time I havent seen any movie in big screen, last time was some good animation with the mafia and her gang.

packing

As Mr Jerome K Jerome said "I rather pride myself on my packing. Packing is one of those many things that I feel I know more about than any other person living. (It surprises me myself, sometimes, how many of these subjects there are.)". Packing is very interesting, specially when you have a lot of things to be packed, very less space available and you are reluctant to pack most of it. I can relate this situtation with the situation of the government run buses in kolkata. They also have the same problem. Too many people to be packed inside the bus, space is limited and the conductor and the driver being the priviledged government employee, very relucatant to give people the rare oppurtunity to travel in a government bus. Normally the easiest way of packing is pseudo packing, something like deconstruction, you pretend that you are packing, take atmost 10 minutes and leave most the things unpacked , and pretend that they dont even exist. This is the way of packing i did in paris. I left most of the things there, as it was important to make the french fries happy and to make them forget about my dirty room and anonymous stay. In Chennai packing was different, I had to pack all my dirty clothes. It is not true that normally I dont wash clothes, yes in Padova I washed twice, and let me confess that even washing can give you heavenly pleasure, specially if you wash your clothes half yearly. Chennai didn't have water. As another mahapurus Indranil Mukherjee said " Different people don't get different things, like in somalia people dont get food, in US they dont get sleep, in france they dont see human beings, in germany people dont get humor, but in CMI people are lucky. We dont get girls and water. So if we dont wash our clothes or ourselves its not a big issue, on the other hand we can use this excuse of dirtyness for our singularity." Anyway this time packing is little bit interesting, I have a bag pack , which can accomodate upto 12 kilogram of dirt, but this year I bought few winter clothes , some of them even i liked. I never liked my clothes, or others clothes, i mean i dont like to be naked, or rather this world wont like if i roam around naked. But somehow the clothes ishtyle never trilled me. But this winter I thought about buying some good winter clothes, and yes I am proud of those winter clothes. I have to take them back, but here i have to make some compromise, which one to take which one to leave. Or may be I can consider my bag as Noah's Ark, and put one piece of every species. It is believed or I believe that when Noah was packing his boat, he missed many species to pack, or he was like me a pseudo packer. So many species became extinct after that crazy monsoon. It is also belived ( or i believe) that India is the arc that Noah Build. Back to the packing again. I have decided to give my fan to the director of my residence, not because of the rumor that he is gay , but becuase he asked so many times that where I am from and then after knowing kolkata, he said the place of mother teresa. Poor guy needs a mother, meanwhile my fan will be a gift from father teresa. I wanted to leave my modern arts in the room, the next person (although he can be a phirangi) coming to my room will be really happy or atleast not sad . But i cant, There is juicer in my room, which i cant take and wont take will also be left behind and probaly become an extinct species very soon.
The most important part is packing documents, as last night I had a dream that I am back in home and I need money. I am searching for my card and then I remember that I dont have my card with me. Shit happens, but most importantly before shit there is always a long disgusting fart (like before storm there is calmness ). This is a warning sign, I love god, he is the best god, for giving me warning sign always and making my life so eventful. Last part of the packing is packing the gifts for my friends, last year I have to give 50 euro bribe in mumbai airport to clear my eight bottles of wine that i took from paris. That was the first and the last time i bribed, and i had to do it, but those for whom i took the wine, said after drinking that they dont get high. Bloody dehatis will only be satisfied by tari and ganja. This year no more illegal things, just 3 bottles of wine and thats it, no gifts for anyone else.
Its time to do nautanki again, that too a regular one, like a daily soap opera, only difference is all along the day i have to do that. Time to meet the movers, the shakers, the smokers, the meditators, the rockers, the walkers, the planners . There are diferent kinds of units to measure different things, for light sound weight height distance, sometime measurement makes the original thing look smaller sometime it makes us feel that it is huge. In our funny times human is also an unit of measurement.

Film to abhi shuru hua hai.....

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As the end nears I feel uncomfortable again. Detachment is the last thing that I will learn in my life. My master thesis is online now, if everything goes well it will be in arxiv, meanwhile its there in my google groups myboredom. What I am saying and why i am saying is not clear to me these days. The failure of not being able to make my favourite wishes true, or may be the fear of the future where there will be only few horrible dreams left, makes all my words false, all my statements weightless. Fear, fear, for two years in high school everyday i had to listen to this word , as vivekananda strongly says everywhere, get rid off fear. But like human beings fear has its power too, what if fear doesn't get rid off me. I am neither strong nor weak, just like a medium, fear , sorrow, love everything come and go as their wish, only an unusual happiness and eternal silence is left everywhere. An ugly observers appreciation of beauty is just an information lost in the global archive of love and languishment of beautiful people, it never had life, it will never see reality. Then he finds dream to give it a pseudo existence. And that is why this fear of losing even the dreams. It is now time to stop, everything is either screwed up or going smoothly as they are supposes to go, just someone is stuck and that is his fault.
Got this translation of poem fo srijat today morning ,

staying abreast in life , I carry my parents on my shoulders,
passing wedding parties, traffic signals, service commissions,
wakes.
I falter , bleed, but never loose my senses.
There on my left , mama singing her light classicals. And on my right
papa is watching tv- an action thriller.
And yes ! it is me who stands on the shoulders
of such overwhelmed parents.
I, who do not care for a good job, or poetic fame, never bother about love or its tragedy,
only wait for a picture of this earth's final day.


Good bye dreams.